I Run These Towns

In my first post of 2019 I promised to start prioritizing myself again. I'll give you one guess as to where I fell on the priority list this year: I think we all know it was last. In a life that's moving at warp speed, finding time to do the things that are important to me - namely exercise, reading, sleeping - has been difficult. If anything I only became further entrenched in work and busy, and in 2020 that has to stop. No it will  stop because this pace is unsustainable. And for the love of God I need sleep. In 2019 I discovered Melatonin, and it has very quickly become my best friend. But even with that I have many nights where I can't turn off my brain. This week I came home after a city council meeting Monday night and stayed up with my husband to watch a few shows. I went to bed around 11:30 (very late for me), but then my phone rang at midnight with a call from our police department. When my son woke up at 4:45 am I guzzled two cups of coffee and was on it. But f...

I've been thinking a lot lately about joy - finding joy in every day. I have an extremely busy job, and when it gets super busy (especially in weeks like this where I've working into the evenings multiple days), I find myself struggling to find joy. Last night I walked into the house at 8 pm after a crazy busy day that started in the office at 7:45. I took my son with me to my evening event, and I'd been in a dress and heels for more than 12 hours. I didn't feel joy; I felt exhausted.  My colleague got this photo of my little guy and me at an evening meeting. I love my job. I love cities - especially MY city - and I love what I do. But doing it well and checking all the boxes means spending a lot of hours. And in the last few months that has felt more exhausting than joyful. Last summer I was asked to be on the board of Engaging Local Government Leaders (ELGL), a great national organization of local government professionals. It's a passionate, fun group, an...

It's really hard for me to face not being well. For the last twenty one years I've refused to let Crohn's define me even though I realize in times of extreme issues it does tend to drive the narrative for a bit until I get back to good. I've had four bowel obstructions, and I've bounced back quickly after three of those. In 2012 I ran the Capital City River Run 5k two weeks after my obstruction and placed in my age group. In 2014 I broke my PR in the 10k three months after a month-long hospital stay that included two surgeries. In 2017 I was in New Orleans just a few weeks after a bowel obstruction. I wasn't running much but I felt okay. It's been nearly three weeks since I was released from the hospital, and for the first time I'm having a really tough time getting my groove back. I'm exhausted. By the time 8 pm arrives I'm dead tired. I have low phosphorus and electrolyte levels which are contributing to the fatigue. And I still haven't...

I've spent the last 2-3 weeks powering through some significant Crohn's symptoms: dehydration, excessive trips to the bathroom, extreme fatigue. I joked to one of my colleagues that work has been so busy that I would love a small hospital stay to get a break. That's the kind of joke I should apparently never make.  Obviously my life is never short of busy - either personally or professionally. Last week I left work at 9 p.m. on Monday following a city council meeting, and I was awake at 3:45 a.m. in order to be on a 5:30 a.m. plane to Chicago. I flew to Chicago to participate in an  ELGL (Engaging Local Government Leaders ) event, an organization on whose board I am a member.  I flew to Chicago and back in a single day, feeling like a kick ass boss lady. I got to Detroit's airport with a bit of a layover, and I decided to have dinner and relax before my quick flight to Lansing. I took some calls, responded to emails, and was enjoying some quiet time. My flight ended...

Today is the 20th anniversary of my 21st birthday. I remember that night so vividly (okay so I remember the first  part of that night so vividly). Wow if I knew then what I know now, I would've handled my 20's so differently. If I could write a letter to myself, I'd have the best advice... Dear 21-year-old me: Happy birthday! You're about to drink an obscene amount of strawberry daiquiris tonight at Crockett's. Do it! You're only young once, and your life is going to take some unexpected turns more quickly than you expect. Drink the daiquiris. Let yourself live a little. You're heading into your senior year of college, and you've been so  serious. You've gone to the gym five days a week at 6 am. You've worked multiple jobs. You feel guilty about having fun. STOP THE MADNESS. You'll be working out and working hard for the rest of your life. You have great grades, and you've earned them. You'll get into law school, you'll have...

Today I had several moments where I felt like a total boss lady. At one point I was walking down the hall in a plaid, sheath dress that fits me perfectly, red heels and a giant coffee and thought damn, I'm rocking this. Lest you think I've got it all together this moment less than three hours before LPD discovered I'd left my car running for two hours in the City Hall parking garage. It turns out this parenting thing is tough. And I find it surprising. I have to be honest: my son was an excellent baby. He rarely cried. He slept, ate, went to the bathroom and developed beautifully. It was honestly so easy sometimes that I thought really...what do people think is so tough about this parenting thing? He started to throw the occasional tantrum around 18 months, but again his tantrums were manageable. He is strong-willed and wants to get what he wants. As he turned two and three we still had occasional tantrums, but they were rare. I have a good friend who told me the age of ...

This year two things I love doing are being threatened: wearing heels and pushing myself beyond my limits. I am not amused. For several months I've been having varying degrees of back pain. It's BS, and I don't have time for it. I take ibuprofen several times a day and power through, and it's mostly been working. In March I spent a week in Boston at an executive education class at Harvard. We were told there'd be a lot of walking during this week-long class. It was a 20 minute walk to class if one chose to not take the shuttle (which obviously I'm walking). The day before I left I realized I would need two things: more comfortable shoes and pants. I hurriedly went and bought both, and off to Boston we went. The day we arrived I changed into pants and flat shoes. I'll be honest: I was self-conscious. Heels and skirts are just who I am, and it felt so weird. I wore comfy shoes all week, and Friday morning I woke up and realized my back wasn't hurting. ...

A few months ago I posted about my doctor's lecture for not getting enough sleep. I'm predictably announcing that it's gotten no better. Who has time for sleep? But I had a moment this afternoon when I realized how extreme my schedule has become. I don't know what to drop so that I can get more sleep. How do people do this?  My day went something like this:  5:00 a.m. Alarm goes off 5:23 a.m. Stop in the office to do a few things because I won't be in until afternoon. I can get a lot accomplished when I'm the only one here! 5:54 a.m. At the gym for a boxing class 7:03 a.m. Hydrate 7:55 a.m. Drop small human off at school, head to my doctor's office 8:58 a.m. Iron infusion in process. Still checking email and texts.  11:25 a.m. Arrive to moderate a panel highlighting women in STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) careers With Michelle, one of the rock star panelists 2:00 p.m. Back in the office for an afternoon of m...

I'd like to share an unpopular opinion: I despise  our culture's reliance on lifestyle blogs, pinterest and social media to shape opinions about oneself. I taped a podcast earlier this week and was asked what inspires my blog. While initially my blog was almost entirely running focused, I realized that I had to be real about running, not running, and all the factors that affect my life. I realized pretty quickly that my most popular blogs are never about running or travel; they're about struggle. I've been very open about my struggle with Crohn's Disease and infertility, the loss of my dad and that elusive work/life balance. My life is blessed in many ways, but it's still not easy. I have to work hard to make it look easy, and I think that's important to note. My least favorite blogs or websites are these where people share their recommendations on making life amazing (almost always written by people whose lives I do not find amazing). I do not do Pinter...

It's been a tough few years for me as a runner: Crohn's problems, knee surgery, a busy job. After 22 half marathons, four marathons, and dozens of 5ks and 10ks in 13 years, I've slowed down significantly in the last two years. At first I thought it was just a motivational crisis, but as I try desperately to get back to at least half marathon shape, I find myself struggling seemingly beyond simply motivation.  The last few months I've been wondering: what happens if I stop running? What if I stop trying to get back to half marathon shape? What if I stop stressing about the fact that I'm not in shape to run more than a 5k? What if I just don't want to run more than 3.1 miles? Isn't that okay? I miss race day. I miss lining up with thousands of people and the buzz of a starting line. But I can get that with a decent 5k, and my body will be happier with me. In the last few months I've been boxing and cross training. I'm not as skinny as I was when I ...

I realize it's a gross generalization, but many women I knew tend to lose themselves in external things - children, jobs, marriage, the sheer volume of things to accomplish. I've always had a strong sense of self. Even in having a child (despite the struggle to get here) I didn't lose myself. I went on my first work trip when my son was two months old. I ran a half marathon when he was four months old and a marathon before his first birthday. In those first few years I struck a balance between being me and being mommy that made me pretty happy. In 2016 I left a job I'd held for a while and hit the reset button, and in that process I felt an even stronger sense of self. I decided I wouldn't do things that didn't make me happy. I wouldn't settle for anything in life - work, friendships, experiences - that were toxic. It was happy or nothing.   As I entered the last year of my 30s I felt like I really had it figured out. I was still a top priority, and that ...

I often have blog ideas rolling around in my head. Sometimes I write part or all of a piece and save it as a draft to be published at a yet to be determined time in the future or not at all. Sometimes I just need to get my snark out in writing before tucking it away, never to be seen again. I've been so busy this last year, and I have a blog that I've started and stopped repeatedly about the business of busyness. I couldn't wrap my head around exactly what I wanted to say, but I'm struggling with what to say when people ask how life/work/etc is. My canned response is "busy" because it's true, and it's the first thing that pops into my head. But I don't want to live a life where my constant first thought is how busy I am. This week's schedule is brutal. I have meetings layered on top of meetings. I have crises layered upon crises. I left City Hall last night after 9 p.m., and when my alarm went off at 4:45 for the gym I was feeling...well, b...

For me the key to psychologically dealing with chronic illness is to always know it could be worse. Even on my absolute sickest days I am grateful that I can handle this. I know there are people who are suffering in ways I can't imagine. I would rather be sick from Crohn's every minute of every day than have my son be sick even for a moment. I can deal with my sickness. I can handle whatever is thrown at me.  The adage goes something like, "Be kind. Everyone you know is fighting their own battle." I know that to be true, and my battle is different than anyone else's. I also almost always choose to believe mine is easier and more manageable. One of the things I've discovered is that people often try to empathize with me, and I'd say they do it poorly about 90 percent of the time. I appreciate that people want to relate, but please think about what you're saying. I had someone recently get over the flu and say to me, "Now I know what you go thro...

For the last four months I've been part of the staff cohort of the Bloomberg Harvard City Leadership Initiative (I blogged about it while in NYC in August). It's a challenging and fun program, but my favorite part is meeting so many other senior leaders who get what I'm doing and can truly empathize. It turns out I'm not alone. As part of the Bloomberg program there is a leadership assessment that comprised of direct reports, peers, my boss and me filling out a leadership assessment about me. Then I had a 90 minute video chat with my leadership coach. My coach has an MBA from Harvard and a Doctor of Psychoanalysis (which I didn't know was a thing) from the Boston Graduate School of Psychoanalysis. She's pretty legit.   On the day of my video call with my coach I was not in the mood for it. It was scheduled for 90 minutes on a Friday of a week that had been crushing both physically and mentally. I was grappling with a professional challenge that I continued ...