Ignoring the Signs
I've spent the last 2-3 weeks powering through some significant Crohn's symptoms: dehydration, excessive trips to the bathroom, extreme fatigue. I joked to one of my colleagues that work has been so busy that I would love a small hospital stay to get a break. That's the kind of joke I should apparently never make.
Obviously my life is never short of busy - either personally or professionally. Last week I left work at 9 p.m. on Monday following a city council meeting, and I was awake at 3:45 a.m. in order to be on a 5:30 a.m. plane to Chicago. I flew to Chicago to participate in an ELGL (Engaging Local Government Leaders) event, an organization on whose board I am a member.
I flew to Chicago and back in a single day, feeling like a kick ass boss lady. I got to Detroit's airport with a bit of a layover, and I decided to have dinner and relax before my quick flight to Lansing. I took some calls, responded to emails, and was enjoying some quiet time. My flight ended up being delayed, and as I sat at the gate I felt a twinge that made me anxious.
I've had three full bowel obstructions, and the pain is completely unique. While my flight was delayed I walked laps through the terminal hoping I was wrong. By the time I landed in Lansing I knew it was an obstruction. I had been texting my husband my fears, and when I walked into the house he knew by my face that our fears were realized. I hugged my boys, changed, and waited until my son went to bed around 9 p.m. Then I drove myself two miles to the hospital.
The ER was a disaster. It was packed and gross as only ER waiting rooms can be. I told the nurse at check-in that I had a bowel obstruction. She said, "You've been diagnosed with a bowel obstruction?" I said self-diagnosed, and I'll be throwing up in less than an hour. She was clearly annoyed, but perhaps took me seriously 30 minutes later when I handed her a bag of my vomit and heard her insist that they take me back right away.
This was, by far, the most painful obstruction I've ever had. Back in July of 2014 I had a terrible obstruction that led to my longest hospital stay and two surgeries in as many weeks. In February of 2017 I had an obstruction that resolved itself after a few days in the hospital. But neither were this painful nor was the nausea and vomiting so prevalent as this time.
I spent the night in the ER, and as expected they inserted the dreaded NG tube into my nose, down through my throat and into my stomach to try to clear the obstruction. My pain level was off the charts. Morphine didn't even touch it. They switched to something stronger. My oxygen levels kept dropping. My phosphorus and electrolyte levels were dangerously low. I was admitted early Wednesday morning.
The ER doctor asked me if I'd been having more than normal Crohn's symptoms, and I said yes. My CT scan showed an extreme swelling of the small intestine keeping things from going through. The good news there is that rest can help alleviate that stress, and we all know how great I am at resting.
It's not my first rodeo, but it's always worse than I remember. This time the nausea was extraordinary. I was vomiting so hard that my entire body hurt. I barely remember Wednesday or Thursday. A small bowel follow through (x-ray where they insert contrast into my NG tube to see if it goes through) on Thursday evening showed that the obstruction had cleared. They removed the NG tube on Friday and allowed me to have clear liquids.
On Saturday I was told if I could eat a low fiber diet and tolerate it I could leave. To be honest? I was terrified to eat. I ate 2-3 bites of a pancake, thankfully didn't feel nauseous, and I got to head home.
I've been home two days, and I'm no less terrified than I was 48 hours ago. I'm afraid to eat. I'm afraid of being dehydrated. The obstruction has cleared, but I'm in the bathroom approximately every 2.3 seconds (exaggeration but it feels that way). I'm trying to be a mom, ease back into work and still take care of myself.
It's all hard to do. It's so fucking hard, y'all. I'm trying to keep it all going and take care of myself, and those things often feel mutually exclusive. What do I say no to? Carrying my son, who I won't be able to carry much longer? Late nights or stressful days at work? Because that's what I signed up for. Quality time with my husband? My friends? My family?
And to be honest Crohn's is such a roller coaster. Sometimes a little bump in the road may end up being nothing, and it passes in a few days. I ignored these symptoms when I shouldn't have. Even as well as I know my body after 20 years with this disease, I refused to listen to it.
I am so grateful for this insane support system I have. My husband is a rock. My mom, my friends, my colleagues - they're all here, making sure that I'm good. I'm overwhelmed in my gratitude. Am I good? Today not so much. But I'll take it day by day, and try to be kind to myself.
Obviously my life is never short of busy - either personally or professionally. Last week I left work at 9 p.m. on Monday following a city council meeting, and I was awake at 3:45 a.m. in order to be on a 5:30 a.m. plane to Chicago. I flew to Chicago to participate in an ELGL (Engaging Local Government Leaders) event, an organization on whose board I am a member.
I flew to Chicago and back in a single day, feeling like a kick ass boss lady. I got to Detroit's airport with a bit of a layover, and I decided to have dinner and relax before my quick flight to Lansing. I took some calls, responded to emails, and was enjoying some quiet time. My flight ended up being delayed, and as I sat at the gate I felt a twinge that made me anxious.
I've had three full bowel obstructions, and the pain is completely unique. While my flight was delayed I walked laps through the terminal hoping I was wrong. By the time I landed in Lansing I knew it was an obstruction. I had been texting my husband my fears, and when I walked into the house he knew by my face that our fears were realized. I hugged my boys, changed, and waited until my son went to bed around 9 p.m. Then I drove myself two miles to the hospital.
The ER was a disaster. It was packed and gross as only ER waiting rooms can be. I told the nurse at check-in that I had a bowel obstruction. She said, "You've been diagnosed with a bowel obstruction?" I said self-diagnosed, and I'll be throwing up in less than an hour. She was clearly annoyed, but perhaps took me seriously 30 minutes later when I handed her a bag of my vomit and heard her insist that they take me back right away.
This was, by far, the most painful obstruction I've ever had. Back in July of 2014 I had a terrible obstruction that led to my longest hospital stay and two surgeries in as many weeks. In February of 2017 I had an obstruction that resolved itself after a few days in the hospital. But neither were this painful nor was the nausea and vomiting so prevalent as this time.
I spent the night in the ER, and as expected they inserted the dreaded NG tube into my nose, down through my throat and into my stomach to try to clear the obstruction. My pain level was off the charts. Morphine didn't even touch it. They switched to something stronger. My oxygen levels kept dropping. My phosphorus and electrolyte levels were dangerously low. I was admitted early Wednesday morning.
 |
| Post-NG tube insertion. It hurt as much as you think it did. |
It's not my first rodeo, but it's always worse than I remember. This time the nausea was extraordinary. I was vomiting so hard that my entire body hurt. I barely remember Wednesday or Thursday. A small bowel follow through (x-ray where they insert contrast into my NG tube to see if it goes through) on Thursday evening showed that the obstruction had cleared. They removed the NG tube on Friday and allowed me to have clear liquids.
On Saturday I was told if I could eat a low fiber diet and tolerate it I could leave. To be honest? I was terrified to eat. I ate 2-3 bites of a pancake, thankfully didn't feel nauseous, and I got to head home.
 |
| What a difference a few days and a shower makes. |
It's all hard to do. It's so fucking hard, y'all. I'm trying to keep it all going and take care of myself, and those things often feel mutually exclusive. What do I say no to? Carrying my son, who I won't be able to carry much longer? Late nights or stressful days at work? Because that's what I signed up for. Quality time with my husband? My friends? My family?
And to be honest Crohn's is such a roller coaster. Sometimes a little bump in the road may end up being nothing, and it passes in a few days. I ignored these symptoms when I shouldn't have. Even as well as I know my body after 20 years with this disease, I refused to listen to it.
I am so grateful for this insane support system I have. My husband is a rock. My mom, my friends, my colleagues - they're all here, making sure that I'm good. I'm overwhelmed in my gratitude. Am I good? Today not so much. But I'll take it day by day, and try to be kind to myself.
Comments
Post a Comment