Put Your Back Into It

This year two things I love doing are being threatened: wearing heels and pushing myself beyond my limits. I am not amused. For several months I've been having varying degrees of back pain. It's BS, and I don't have time for it. I take ibuprofen several times a day and power through, and it's mostly been working.

 In March I spent a week in Boston at an executive education class at Harvard. We were told there'd be a lot of walking during this week-long class. It was a 20 minute walk to class if one chose to not take the shuttle (which obviously I'm walking). The day before I left I realized I would need two things: more comfortable shoes and pants. I hurriedly went and bought both, and off to Boston we went.

 The day we arrived I changed into pants and flat shoes. I'll be honest: I was self-conscious. Heels and skirts are just who I am, and it felt so weird. I wore comfy shoes all week, and Friday morning I woke up and realized my back wasn't hurting. Damn it. 

Who IS this casual, short lady?
After I came back I started trying to compromise. I keep flats in my office, and if I don't have a meeting where I need the power shoes I try to give myself a break. But toward the end of June it didn't seem to matter. The back pain was getting worse.

 I was off the first week in July, and I didn't wear heels at all. But as I was coming back to work the following week my back was worse than ever. There was agonizing pain along my lower back, and I wore flats the entire week. I don't even know who I am anymore. I called my sports medicine doctor who can't get me in until August. I called my family doctor who couldn't get me in for a few weeks. I woke up one morning and realized it just wasn't working, so I went to urgent care where I received a steroid/anti-inflammatory shot and lidocaine patches that I've been wearing on my back all day every day. I've been using the heating pad regularly, and finally the knots in my back have started to untangle. 

 I then did the smart thing: went to the gym on Saturday and ran a 5k on Sunday. Remarkably I actually feel pretty good this week. Having pain medicine patches on my back clearly hasn't hurt. 

 Having suffered from a chronic illness for twenty years I'm used to pain and having my body disappoint me. But this feels different and surprising. I realize I'm not as young as I used to be. That's somehow a surprising revelation because aging is always a surprise. But I'm not good at compromise. Despite my claims that I'm not running I'm planning a 10-mile train run and a team relay in August and a trail Ragnar race in Texas in October for my bestie's 40th birthday.  

 As for the heels...well I'll keep doing the best I can. That one is even harder to change than running. Heels make me feel beautiful and powerful. So I'm sure my body will force me there at some point, but today is not that day. Next month I'll be 41 which I have decided is entirely too young for this nonsense. So by sheer will I insist my body will feel better. After all there's running to do and heels to wear.
The sensible shoes I wore to work today. 

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