Thursday, May 7, 2015

Holy Crap I'm Someone's Mom

Two years ago I wrote a heartfelt blog lamenting what was at that point a year-long wait in the adoption process. For the last few years Mother's Day has been a day that makes my heart ache and my cheeks hurt from the fake smiling. I desperately wanted a child. This day to celebrate becoming a mother, something that has come so easily for so many women, has been a day of sadness for me for the last few years. This year it's actually snuck up on me because it turns out having a baby makes one busy and forgetful.

I've gotten a lot of annoying advice about how to be a parent, and I'll be honest: I've ignored 100 percent of the unsolicited advice. I don't read parenting books because they stress me out. Lots of smart (and not so smart) people have figured out how to be a parent. I'll figure it out too. 

One thing I was told, however, continues to resonate: it's hardest and most wonderful job you'll ever have. Truer words have never been spoken. The exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and delirium are legitimate. I had no idea I could function so well on so little sleep. The love, though, makes it all worth it. I had no idea I had the capacity to love a little human like this. Even when he's fussy or angry or not sleeping - I have so much more patience than I ever thought I'd have. Sometimes I feel like my heart may explode with love for him.
The best.
In this crazy ride that includes projectile vomit one minute and baby giggles the next, I'm thankful for our struggle to have a family. That struggle has allowed me to be more patient. I'm more grateful for every minute in a way I wouldn't have been otherwise. In the middle of the night, when my eyes finally start working properly, I look down at the baby in my arms and marvel that he's mine. 

I would be remiss while reflecting on this day to not express my extraordinary love and gratitude for the woman who gave birth to our son. I love her so much. What a selfless and amazing gesture to trust us to be his parents. I am eternally grateful to her in a way that words cannot adequately describe. 

When he was only a month old. Sleep deprived and still in love.
I have a new appreciation for the women in my life who are amazing examples of the extraordinary life balance it takes to be a mom. My son is 5 months old, and I feel like I have yet to master the balance. It's hard, and maybe I'll never really figure it out. But every moment I feel disheveled or unorganized or frazzled is worth it. This is the best and hardest thing I've ever done, and I have a new appreciation for all of the moms who've done this before me. Happy Mother's Day, my friends. Thank you for the inspiration!       

2 comments:

  1. Well said mama!! Ten years into the game and I still look at my babies with surprise that I AM SOMEONE'S MOM!!

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    1. It's amazing! Anderson and Ellie are lucky to have you. So am I! :)

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