Of Mothers and Mothering

Last year over Mother's Day weekend we set up our nursery. It was early - only two months into the adoption process - but I'm anal and wanted to have it set up. It's a beautiful room that we've continued to fill with little touches to make it perfect. The only thing missing is a baby. I remember thinking over that weekend in 2012 that this would likely be the last Mother's Day in which I didn't have a child, and my heart was filled with hope.

Yeah - our nursery IS this cute.

A year later over this Mother's Day weekend that room remains empty. And it's harder than it was last year even though statistically we HAVE to be getting closer to getting our baby. I've heard all of the words of what are meant to be supportive: "It's God's plan", "There's a baby out there for you", "It'll happen when it's supposed to happen." And all of those people are right and well meaning, but it doesn't make it any easier when the days, weeks, and months pass without our adoption placement.

We have an amazing life. I love traveling and running and hanging out with friends any time we want. I know it'll be a colossal adjustment when I'm the one paying for a sitter or having to leave early to pick up the kids. So I've been trying my very hardest to enjoy every single minute of our child-free life knowing that it will never be the same again once we have kids. I recently had a girlfriend who is pregnant for the second time say to me, "You guys are so lucky. You have such a rock and roll lifestyle." And I was looking at her cute baby bump thinking she is the lucky one.

I guess the old adage is true that the grass is always greener.  Mother's Day this year was not easy for me, and yet I have to continue to be mindful of all my blessings. Every time I hear a baby screaming in the store I think that will be me soon enough, so enjoy my time shopping alone. I can take off and go for a run at a whim. We can (and do) take off for weekend trips without a care in the world. We're planning a big vacation for this summer. Those things will get much harder once we've got kids.

I am also blessed by all the awesome moms who are role models in in my life - my mom, mother-in-law, my grandmothers-in-law, my sister, my bestie who couldn't be more like my sister if we were actually related and all of my friends who are such wonderful mothers.  

I have to continually remind myself that life is for living now - not for worrying about what will be. Running is the best way to put myself in the now, live in the minute and enjoy the world around me. Running these towns is my sanity these days, and I expect it will be even more true once I have children.