The Intersection of Wonderful and Terrible

I don't think any of us will ever forget where we were on September 11, 2001 when we heard the news. I was in civil procedure class during my second year of law school. At 8:30 a.m. on that day I would have dramatically declared that it was the "worst thing ever." Fast forward 15 minutes for some perspective. My brother and I were sharing a car that week (mine was in the shop), and I walked outside where he was picking me up after class. I walked outside and blinked at the brilliant glare of the sun. I recall thinking that it was the most amazingly gorgeous day. The sky was perfect: azure and calm without a cloud. I slipped on my sunglasses and thought there was no way something so terrible could happen on such a flawless day. How is that possible?

Although 9/11 was one of life's most dramatic experiences, I was thinking last weekend that one of the craziest things about life is how something so terrible can be happening at the same time as something wonderful. Last Saturday I went for a run on an impeccable fall day. I ran onto the Lansing River Trail and marveled at the changing trees. The scenery was gorgeous. The air was perfectly crisp as it is wont to be on an autumn morning. The sun was dazzling as its rays peeked through the trees. I was marveling at my ability to get to spend such a perfect morning doing something I love. I was feeling thankful that I was feeling well enough to run 5 miles - my longest run since before my surgeries - when two months ago I could barely walk the hospital halls. It was overall a perfect hour.

A tree on campus in East Lansing on Saturday. Gorgeous.

Upon arriving home I had a text from my best friend that there was a death in her family, and I started crying. You know the kind - the big, ugly cry. I carried my phone to the front porch and sat down. I looked around and wondered how something so awful could happen on such a beautiful day.  

Life is amazing. You find out that you can deal with so much more than you ever think you can. Physical pain, emotional trauma, that gut-wrenching hurt that can come from both. And at the same time you're dealing with something so hard, someone else is experiencing something wonderful.

When I was in the hospital they played a lullabye in the hallways every time a baby was born. Eventually it became somewhat annoying (especially while one was sleeping), but there was something beautiful about it. It was a reminder that in a place where there is so much sadness and pain, there is also beauty.

This week I will travel to Washington, DC to visit my best friend to celebrate the life of a great man who was loved by both my husband and me (and so many others). The next day I'll travel to Northern Michigan to celebrate the wedding of two of our dearest friends. Those celebrations will be very different, and yet there is beauty and grace in both of them.

At any point in all of our lives the wonderful and the terrible intersect. It's what makes life amazing and precious, and it reminds me to take advantage of every moment. Stop and appreciate every golden tree this autumn. Tell people I love them. Smile with every step I run simply because I'm blessed enough to be out there. Surround yourself with people you love and enjoy the wonderful. After all that is what makes the terrible manageable.    

Stopping to enjoy the fall view of the Michigan Capitol Building
  

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 30, 2014 at 2:52 PM

    One of your best. Great post.

    Love you -

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Some Reasons Why Diet Culture is Garbage: I Poop a Lot and I'm Always Hungry

Image
It was the spring of 1996, and my mom and I were at the mall shopping for my senior prom dress. I had decided I was only going to eat 500 calories a day over the weekend. It was track season, so I couldn't starve myself on practice and meet days, but in my mind it seemed perfectly logical to basically starve my healthy, 17-year-old body on less physical days. I was in the fitting room trying on dresses, and I heard the sales person say to my mom, "Your daughter is so tiny!" I was light headed and nauseous from not eating, but that overheard compliment made me feel like it was all worth it.  Senior Prom 1996 I've struggled with my body image since I was a pre-teen, and in the 30+ years that have passed it's still something with which I struggle daily. I spent years punishing my body so I wouldn't gain weight: eating very few calories and working out for hours, purging, taking laxatives, only drinking alcohol until I threw up so I wouldn't gain weight. It...
Read more

Here's a Shortcut: Do the Work.

Image
I have a confession to make: I don't think I'm my best self right now. I've been thinking a lot about being my best self overall (including fitness which is a huge thing for me), and I've come to a simple, unalienable truth: there is no shortcut. To be the best version of yourself (whatever that means) you have to do the work. I'm not the same version of myself at 46 as I was at 26. (Man could I give that girl some good advice though.) I spend a lot of time reflecting on who I am and who I want to be. While doing the work all the time seems daunting on its surface, it's not. It doesn't mean life has to be a grind 24/7, but it does mean that there is effort in whatever is important to you (which of course is unique to each of us). Where am I willing to do the work to be the best version of me? Fitness. I love exercise. My husband says I'm "obsessed", and I retort that there are way worse obsessions. While I'm logging way fewer miles than I ...
Read more

Why Do I Talk About my "Stuff"?

Image
A few months ago a friend told me someone we knew was venting that I share too much about myself in my blog and on social media. She said (I'm paraphrasing) something like "We all go through stuff. There's no need to share it." At first I was irritated until I realized this person has zero impact on my life. And it's true: we are all going through things. But since then I've been thinking a lot about why I am so candid about things in my life (in particular my struggle with Crohn's Disease).  I was 19 when I got sick. It was so embarrassing. No college girl wants to tell people they're dealing with bloody diarrhea and nausea and horrible cramps. That's the thing about a chronic illness: it's easy to feel like you don't have anyone to lean on. I had my colon removed 5 weeks before I started law school (the delightful adventure chronicled in this blog ). I began law school having lost 30 pounds in less than a month, with steroids puffing up m...
Read more