The Myth of Work/Life Balance

I wish I had it all figured out. I'd quit my job and be a high-priced consultant to moms and live a life of pseudo luxury. But I don't even though I like to pretend I do. I maintain that I can have it all even if that means exhaustion and spreading myself very thinly at any given time. 

I love my job. Absolutely love it. I didn't quite account for how challenging it would be with a toddler. I can handle it, but my son doesn't understand it. I'm gone several nights each week and working pretty incessantly. I try really hard to carve out time to focus specifically on my family. I'm more successful on some days than on others. 

Last week I had a rock star mama tell me that there's no such thing as work/life "balance". She said "Life is way more like a teeter totter - always more of one thing than another but occasional moments of 'balance'. Just before your ass hits the ground!" 

I love this, and it came exactly when I needed it. On Monday of last week my son's school texted me that his eye was a little red. By the time I picked him up I was almost positive it was pink eye, and I made him a doctor appointment for that evening. My husband was not yet home from Milwaukee, and this meant I would have to miss the Mayor's first budget presentation to city council.

How can this face NOT take top priority?!?

I luckily work for a good dude who's a great dad, and he told me that family comes first. I appreciated that, but it didn't make me less stressed. As a mom I knew the right thing to do was miss the presentation (that was covered by other people already) and take my son to the doctor, but as a Chief of Staff I was freaking out that people would think I couldn't handle the balance.

My husband arrived home late on Monday night and went to pick up my son's eye drop prescription around midnight. I have that kind of awesome partner. He stayed home with our son on Tuesday while I worked, and I walked in the door to trade him as he walked out the door to chair a board meeting on Tuesday evening.

The doctor said my son only needed to stay home 24 hours, but his eye was still really red. I didn't want to risk him potentially spreading it to other kids. Unfortunately my husband and I both had busy days, and I needed to figure it out. My husband's aunt came up for part of the day on Tuesday, and I was home for part of the afternoon. My husband relieved me for an afternoon meeting and then we switched again as he headed off to another board meeting.

It was during these two days that I realized how true those words were. We had occasional moments of balance, but I can't count the number of times my ass hit the ground. It's weeks like those that I feel like I'm failing at everything. I'm not giving my total focus to work or my family, and the lack of balance is staggering. Things like exercise aren't even on the radar which creates another issue given that it's my outlet to relieve stress.

Over the weekend we went to my mom's in West Virginia, and our police had an incident I was monitoring remotely. I was texting and calling people back in Michigan all while my husband and son were coloring Easter eggs. I hope my son remembers that I was there not that I was texting the entire time. The impact on his psyche remains to be determined. 

Only egg dying is in the photo - not Mom's crazy working.

I know being a mom is hard whether one works or stays at home, so I'm not trying to make my life sound harder. I'm only speaking about it from this angle because it's what I know. I want to have it all. I want my son to see me being successful in my career. He knows I work for the Mayor. He's been to events (some more fun than others) and meetings, and he knows that both of us go to work every day. Some days he fights us, but some days I want to fight going to work too. 

I left work just before 10 pm last night after being there since 7:30 am. I came home, folded several loads of laundry and collapsed into bed. I set my alarm for 5:20 am to work out, and when it went off my son started yelling asking to come snuggle with me. I did not work out this morning. I snuggled my little buddy, and I don't regret it. I firmly believe we make time for what's important, and these days that's more important even if the result means my dresses are getting a little tighter. 

Three months (officially) into this job I'm realizing that I can do it all, but it may never be perfect. The balance may always be slightly off, and I'm the one who's going to have to adjust. I'm also going to have to give myself a break. The women that I admire most are boss career ladies mostly with older children who adore them. I'm sure they beat themselves up and didn't have it all figured out, and nobody knew. Their kids turned into successful, adventurous, well-adjusted humans even with busy moms. I am my own worst critic for sure, and I need to be willing to accept that true balance doesn't exist. And go with it. 

This.