Can we Stop with the Negative Mom Culture?

 A few months ago someone brought beverages to my house called "Mom Water". I'd never heard of it, and after looking it up (because you know I did not and would not drink it) found out it is fruit infused vodka water. It sounds disgusting. On the Mom Water website they say they're trying to celebrate moms but I immediately jumped to the premise that being a mom is so terrible that we have to create a gross new wine cooler in order to cope. It made me realize I'm really over the negative mom culture. 

I get it: being a mom is hard work. I've had late nights and early mornings. I haven't slept through the night in years. I've been thrown up on and given every virus known to humankind (except COVID surprisingly). My son was home for 15 months without childcare during the height of the pandemic. There were some very long days, and you bet I lost my patience. Sometimes I still do. 

But it feels like we're in this place where it's trendy to complain about your kids incessantly. I have friends who I swear I've never heard them say a good thing about being a mom. You know...it was a choice. It's preventable. There are choices if you're pregnant and don't want to parent (like the one my son's amazing birth mother made). And yes it's absolutely the toughest thing ever, but I'm over trendy it is for moms to constantly feel miserable.

This doesn't mean we should acknowledge that it's hard. But the hard is always what makes it great. Anything worth doing is hard.

Truthfully? When people constantly complain about their kids to me I have to pretend to be empathetic. I like my kid. He's smart. He's hilarious. He's witty. I love him more than life and also like him. I LOVE being his mother. I love preparing all his stuff for school (which he can totally do himself but I enjoy it). I love picking out his clothes. I love reading and cuddling at bedtime. I love riding bikes and swimming and traveling. Is every moment of every day wonderful? Absolutely not. But every day I feel joy in being his mom.

Mother's Day 2022. I'd had surgery 4 days earlier.
My husband had COVID. A hard time? Sure. The best day? Yes.

I spent six agonizing years trying to have a baby. I cried in the shower when my period came every month. I felt hope when I started taking ovulation inducing medication even though it made me feel crazy. I religiously had lab work done that showed I was ovulating, only to not get pregnant. I felt in control when we decided to adopt. I gleefully washed and folded pink onesies for the daughter we were having. I tearfully stored them when that birth mother changed her mind. I was cautiously optimistic when our son's birth mom chose us. I held him tightly and loved him with everything I have. I promised myself that after that journey that tested my body, my mental health and my marriage that if or when I became a parent, I would feel grateful for it every single day. And I do. 

I'm fortunate that my son has always been easy. He was a dream baby, a wonderful toddler and a precocious and loving little boy. Maybe the teenage years will be a nightmare, and I'll have to look for the joy. But I will, and I'll find it. 

Yes, it's hard work. And sometimes we all need to vent about how challenging it is to do all the things and keep all the balls in the air. Parents are super human, and it takes balance, patience and hard work. But these small humans we get the privilege of raising will only be small for so long. I dread the day when he needs me less. I know he'll be more independent and have a love interest and pull away from me like he's supposed to do. But damn it until then I'm holding on tight and finding joy every day. And then I'll find joy in the new version of our relationship. Being his mom is a gift that was never a given. I will never take it for granted.