Ain't No Sunshine

I love summer. I've written about enjoying every minute of summer with my small human, and this year summer has been particularly poignant. Once the reality of COVID lock down set in earlier this year it was difficult being inside and feeling stir crazy. Summer provided a welcome respite. While we didn't travel and kept our circle pretty small, we were able to be outside every day. My son and I were at the pool almost every day, and he started golfing with his dad. The long, hazy days of summer have been magical, and I'm panicked at the thought of their end. 

On Labor Day my son and I spent four hours at the pool. I got my first sunburn of the season as I sat there reading. In July my stubborn son announced that he'd never take off his floatie "until he was an adult". A few swim lessons later he was diving, and on Labor Day I found myself not even needing to get in the pool. He was swimming with friends and playing.

I have said to my husband repeatedly this summer that while I love swimming I'll look forward to not having to be in the pool the whole time. On the last unofficial day of summer I sat on a lounger reading a book, grateful for sunglasses hiding the tears in my eyes because my son didn't need me in the pool. He was starting kindergarten the next day, and I was feeling sad. COVID is still going strong, summer is ending, my son is starting kindergarten and I am feeling oddly morose.

I love fall. It's an amazing season. I love the cooler air and the small of leaves falling. I love football season and decorating for autumn. Generally I welcome the change in seasons, but this year I feel dread with every leaf that falls and with every degree the temperature drops. 

Labor Day was a gorgeous, sunny day, and the following day (first day of school) temps were in the 50s with rain. It was a fitting match to my mood. Even though my son's kindergarten is virtual I felt sad that he was already going to school. It was storming overnight, and the weather woke me up around 3:30 am. I wasn't able to go back to sleep, and I got up and made muffins for the first day of school. I worked out and took deep breaths trying to calm my first day of kindergarten nerves.

My son was uninterested in virtual kindergarten, and thankfully we have a fabulous kindergarten support specialist helping him navigate the virtual world while I sat upstairs working and trying not to cry.

I told my son I felt sad about school starting because my baby is growing up. He replied, "Mom I'll always be your baby even when I'm 9 or 6 or 10 1/2." We're now in the second week of school, and my son is crushing it in a virtual Spanish immersion program. Being home makes it easier to be in denial that he's really growing up.

We're now a week past Labor Day, and the temperatures have cooled considerably. Our pool is only open on the weekends, and only a five year old is crazy enough to swim in these cooler temps. September will come and go, and my son will continue to grow up. I'll adjust, but I want to have just a minute to feel nostalgic as this milestone punches me in the face.