While watching 9/11 coverage last weekend I was reminded of how achingly perfect that morning was. A few years ago I blogged about a death in my dearest friend's family, again happening on a stunningly perfect day. It's been 11 months since I lost my dad. When he was in the hospital for a week before his surgery, the weather was flawless. The day of his surgery and days after were cold and rainy, but I don't really remember them. When I think back to that awful time nearly a year ago I think of those brilliant days before he had surgery.
|This photo of my dad and my son in his last healthy days makes me lose it every time.|
Last week my son and I spent the entire week at my mom's, and I had the hardest time that I've had since we lost dad. It was a week of lovely days - sunny, hot, beautiful. I felt my dad everywhere every day that we were there.
Last year my husband, son and I walked from the hospital where my dad was staying to Mountaineer Field for a game. In this season's opener I could barely stop crying. I thought of the games my dad took us to as kids. I thought of how much he loved football. I thought of the weekend before his surgery where I went over to the hospital late and we watched football together. I got us coffee from the nurses at 9 pm because just like my dad I can drink regular coffee any time and still get a good night's sleep.
I witnessed brilliant sunsets from my mom's deck and knew Dad was there. I went running in my favorite place - Deckers Creek Trail - and felt the same way I felt last fall in the nearly month I spent in WV. I visited my dad's grave for the first time (it's an hour from my mom's house) and could not process that he was there even though I saw his casket ready to be lowered into that same ground. The air held a hint of autumn in the mornings, and it smelled the same way it did last year when we were home.
|My son at the cemetery. My heart aches that he won't remember Pap Pap.|
|With my son at a Black Bear's game|
|WVU home opener against Mizzou|
|The Daniel Tiger exhibit at the Children's Museum in Pittsburgh|
|WVU v. Youngstown State|
|This face! Loving the play area at the mall.|
|A quiet run on the Deckers Creek Trail|
|A beautiful sunset from my mom's deck. I see you, Dad.|