Great expectations


“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before--more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.”
- Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

I haven't read Great Expectations since college, and this blog probably doesn't follow that quote...but who can't use some Dickens to brighten up their day? The other day I was talking to a friend and saying that I haven't been running as much this year as I have in previous years. I was complaining about my lack of motivation and how I just haven't been doing enough. Except three half marathons and training for a full marathon (and 15 miles of that race), and a mile a day run streak for six weeks and a 5k series...and then I realized how ridiculous I sounded.

I have extraordinarily high expectations of myself. Are they unreachable? Sometimes. But that doesn't stop me from going for it. I remember my mom telling me once in high school that she and my dad never had to pressure me to succeed in school or extracurricular activities or whatever I was doing because I already put so much pressure on myself.  Even in my moments of great achievement I'm still thinking of how I could've done better or how I could've done more.

I realize this all kind of sounds ridiculous, but as I've started a new position at work I've come to realize just how high those expectations are and that I need to learn to temper them in order to not go crazy.  The same goes with myself as a runner and in every other facet of my life. I'm human even though I don't want to think of myself that way. The world won't end if I don't break my PR in every race. I know...I talk a big game but that doesn't mean I won't be disappointed.

 In Love in the Afternoon Lisa Kleypas writes: "You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you."

 Preaching to the choir, sister.

Comments

  1. TROctober 26, 2012 at 8:56 AM

    I'm a perfectionist and tend to get very hard on myself in a lot of my life aspects, so I understand this. :)

    Love that last quote!

    ReplyDelete
  2. SamanthaOctober 26, 2012 at 8:57 AM

    I love that last quote too. Now if I can just listen to it. :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Some Reasons Why Diet Culture is Garbage: I Poop a Lot and I'm Always Hungry

Image
It was the spring of 1996, and my mom and I were at the mall shopping for my senior prom dress. I had decided I was only going to eat 500 calories a day over the weekend. It was track season, so I couldn't starve myself on practice and meet days, but in my mind it seemed perfectly logical to basically starve my healthy, 17-year-old body on less physical days. I was in the fitting room trying on dresses, and I heard the sales person say to my mom, "Your daughter is so tiny!" I was light headed and nauseous from not eating, but that overheard compliment made me feel like it was all worth it.  Senior Prom 1996 I've struggled with my body image since I was a pre-teen, and in the 30+ years that have passed it's still something with which I struggle daily. I spent years punishing my body so I wouldn't gain weight: eating very few calories and working out for hours, purging, taking laxatives, only drinking alcohol until I threw up so I wouldn't gain weight. It...
Read more

Here's a Shortcut: Do the Work.

Image
I have a confession to make: I don't think I'm my best self right now. I've been thinking a lot about being my best self overall (including fitness which is a huge thing for me), and I've come to a simple, unalienable truth: there is no shortcut. To be the best version of yourself (whatever that means) you have to do the work. I'm not the same version of myself at 46 as I was at 26. (Man could I give that girl some good advice though.) I spend a lot of time reflecting on who I am and who I want to be. While doing the work all the time seems daunting on its surface, it's not. It doesn't mean life has to be a grind 24/7, but it does mean that there is effort in whatever is important to you (which of course is unique to each of us). Where am I willing to do the work to be the best version of me? Fitness. I love exercise. My husband says I'm "obsessed", and I retort that there are way worse obsessions. While I'm logging way fewer miles than I ...
Read more

Why Do I Talk About my "Stuff"?

Image
A few months ago a friend told me someone we knew was venting that I share too much about myself in my blog and on social media. She said (I'm paraphrasing) something like "We all go through stuff. There's no need to share it." At first I was irritated until I realized this person has zero impact on my life. And it's true: we are all going through things. But since then I've been thinking a lot about why I am so candid about things in my life (in particular my struggle with Crohn's Disease).  I was 19 when I got sick. It was so embarrassing. No college girl wants to tell people they're dealing with bloody diarrhea and nausea and horrible cramps. That's the thing about a chronic illness: it's easy to feel like you don't have anyone to lean on. I had my colon removed 5 weeks before I started law school (the delightful adventure chronicled in this blog ). I began law school having lost 30 pounds in less than a month, with steroids puffing up m...
Read more