Life, unexpected.

I admit it - I'm a little antsy these days. I'm anxious about running in the right number of races this summer. What is the right number? I have no idea. But I'm still anxious about it. I'm anxious about traveling this summer. Our dream trip to visit my BFF overseas got derailed due to some major life events happening in the near(ish) future so I am anxious about having a "good" vacation. If I can't have a trip to Africa then I want a fabulous domestic getaway.

We'll be visiting Maine for the first time this summer.
It's no secret that I can be a little particular about planning my life. (This is the part where my husband rolls his eyes and mutters, "You think?") Having Crohn's has helped me readjust and realize that I can't plan every detail of my life, but that doesn't mean I'm not itching to try.  When you're growing up you think your life will happen a certain way. You'll go to college, meet someone, get a great job, get married, have 2.3 children and a well-behaved Golden Retriever (unlike my sweet lovable monster), and life will carry on. Buy a house, see said children grow up, have grandchildren, etc, etc.

The perfect family?
Except life isn't predictable. At all. My life certainly hasn't been, and no matter how hard I try to control everything, it's completely uncontrollable. Running is one of the ways I try to stay in control, but even that is hit or miss. I went to run a marathon last weekend and ended up running 15 miles instead. Some days you head off on a long run and have bad weather or injuries. It's never predictable.

I also like to think I'm a totally predictable cityphile. I love the things that make cities great: walkability, public transit, dense streets with shops, restaurants and tons of people. But every great once in a while I visit a city that may not have it all right, and yet I fall in love with it anyway. It's unexplainable. Unpredictable. 

We visited Cincinnati in 2009. It was surprisingly lovely.
My husband and I are in the process of adopting a baby domestically. We are approved and waiting, and it's an eerie calm before the storm that we know parenthood will be. Again - this is a completely unpredictable process. Having 2.3 kids biologically wasn't the plan for us, so here we are, making our own path. It's fantastic and terrifying and again, unpredictable.

Are you ever ready for this?
We've only been waiting for about three months. We have no idea how much longer it will be. Maybe three weeks. Maybe another year. Maybe somewhere in between those two times. And as we wait for the news that we are going to be parents, I'm restless. I want to run all the races I can and travel to all the places we can before our life changes forever.

The exciting thing about not being pregnant is that I don't miss a beat with running or traveling (or enjoying a glass...or two...of wine.) I know that we'll still travel a lot once we have children because that's who we are. And I won't stop running. But it will be an adjustment. I will be forced to reevaluate priorities and planning will take on a different meaning with a little one.

It'll be just like this, right?
With every mile I run I think, "Wow soon I'll have to work my runs around a baby". With every trip we take I wonder if it's the last city we'll visit before we're traveling with a child. I'm fidgety and anxious and thrilled all at the same time. I can't wait to share my love of running and cities with our child. Maybe someday our little family will run these towns together. Until then I'll try to expect the unexpected.

Comments

  1. SupermomE13May 24, 2012 at 11:25 AM

    Good luck!!! My husband and I have adopted domestically and internationally. Domestic was always tough because there was no time line to follow, and because we had our hopes way up a few times only to have things fall through. But even with that, we had our newborn son in arms less than three months from our paperwork being done (our other domestic adoptions were waiting kids). I am excited for you guys. Adoption is such a blessing, and even when the process is hard, it is definitely worth it! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. SamanthaMay 24, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    Thank you Erin! Following your blog makes me realize that if you can do it with 12 kids, I am pretty sure I can keep up running with one (for now)! :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Some Reasons Why Diet Culture is Garbage: I Poop a Lot and I'm Always Hungry

Image
It was the spring of 1996, and my mom and I were at the mall shopping for my senior prom dress. I had decided I was only going to eat 500 calories a day over the weekend. It was track season, so I couldn't starve myself on practice and meet days, but in my mind it seemed perfectly logical to basically starve my healthy, 17-year-old body on less physical days. I was in the fitting room trying on dresses, and I heard the sales person say to my mom, "Your daughter is so tiny!" I was light headed and nauseous from not eating, but that overheard compliment made me feel like it was all worth it.  Senior Prom 1996 I've struggled with my body image since I was a pre-teen, and in the 30+ years that have passed it's still something with which I struggle daily. I spent years punishing my body so I wouldn't gain weight: eating very few calories and working out for hours, purging, taking laxatives, only drinking alcohol until I threw up so I wouldn't gain weight. It...
Read more

Here's a Shortcut: Do the Work.

Image
I have a confession to make: I don't think I'm my best self right now. I've been thinking a lot about being my best self overall (including fitness which is a huge thing for me), and I've come to a simple, unalienable truth: there is no shortcut. To be the best version of yourself (whatever that means) you have to do the work. I'm not the same version of myself at 46 as I was at 26. (Man could I give that girl some good advice though.) I spend a lot of time reflecting on who I am and who I want to be. While doing the work all the time seems daunting on its surface, it's not. It doesn't mean life has to be a grind 24/7, but it does mean that there is effort in whatever is important to you (which of course is unique to each of us). Where am I willing to do the work to be the best version of me? Fitness. I love exercise. My husband says I'm "obsessed", and I retort that there are way worse obsessions. While I'm logging way fewer miles than I ...
Read more

Why Do I Talk About my "Stuff"?

Image
A few months ago a friend told me someone we knew was venting that I share too much about myself in my blog and on social media. She said (I'm paraphrasing) something like "We all go through stuff. There's no need to share it." At first I was irritated until I realized this person has zero impact on my life. And it's true: we are all going through things. But since then I've been thinking a lot about why I am so candid about things in my life (in particular my struggle with Crohn's Disease).  I was 19 when I got sick. It was so embarrassing. No college girl wants to tell people they're dealing with bloody diarrhea and nausea and horrible cramps. That's the thing about a chronic illness: it's easy to feel like you don't have anyone to lean on. I had my colon removed 5 weeks before I started law school (the delightful adventure chronicled in this blog ). I began law school having lost 30 pounds in less than a month, with steroids puffing up m...
Read more