There I Am.
I've spent more than 30 years beating myself up for how my body looks. Before I go any further let me be clear: this isn't a post with hopes that people will tell me I look good. Because honestly? It won't matter. I don't see myself the way I actually look. And what others think of me doesn't permeate these deep seeded body image issues. I've written about my body image issues before. Logically I know I'm not fat. It's not even that I think I'm "fat" per se; it's that my body doesn't look the way I want it to. It doesn't matter whether I'm at my skinniest or heaviest. I will find something to criticize. I know how to dress myself well, so I can hide the things I don't particularly like about myself. After my last abdominal surgery (lucky #7) where my surgeon told me he "tried to make my stomach look normal but could only do so much", I have been very paranoid about one side of my stomach that (in my mind) sti...