Tell me About Your Third Nipple

Last summer I had a friend describe me to a new acquaintance as such: he referenced a James Bond movie where Bond is impersonating someone who has a third nipple. Everyone who knew this person well knew about the third nipple, so he had to wear a prosthesis and pull it off. He finished the analogy by saying, "Samantha knows everybody's third nipple."

It was one of the best compliments I've received in a while. Maybe ever. My entire life I've prided myself on sincere and purposeful interactions and relationships both in my personal and professional life. Have I always gotten it right? Absolutely not. But I put a lot of work into how I interact with humans. It's the reason I have solid groups of friends and acquaintances. It's the reason I've been able to build a successful consulting business. I put a lot of time and intention into people, and it matters. How do I do it...and why?

If you know me you know I don't have a third nipple or a colon. You also know I love, love, love handwritten communication. There is nothing to me that is more intentional than a handwritten note or card. You have to sit down, write it out, address the envelope, stamp and mail it. It takes time and it takes effort. I cannot stress how much I love handwritten notes. Yesterday I came back from a lunch meeting and sat down to write three handwritten notes: one thanking my friend for lunch and two letting people know I was thinking of them (they popped into my mind on the drive home). Getting a handwritten note is my favorite. It means something.

I work really hard to intentionally connect with friends, acquaintances and colleagues. Just this week I have three lunch dates with friends and colleagues I haven't seen in a while. A few weeks ago a local government professional I love and admire passed away very suddenly at the young age of 52. I hadn't seen her in a year, and I felt so sad that so much time had gone by. I immediately started reaching out to other local gov friends to schedule time together. It's easy to let a lot of time go by, and I am guilty of it. But I want my interactions with these friends and former colleagues to be real, intentional and meaningful. When I love and respect people I try to make time to let them know that. Time is fleeting, and we won't get it back. 

I write myself notes about things happening with my friends. I have calendar notifications to remind me to send cards for birthdays or anniversaries. If a friend has a medical procedure or a tough day coming up I'll make myself a note to reach out to them (even if it's just a text letting them know I'm thinking of them). 

I also talk to people all the time (as my husband continually points out). Last month we were returning from my mom's, and I struck up a conversation with a woman while we were waiting for coffee at Starbucks. When I rejoined my husband and son I told them she was pregnant with her first child and was hoping the baby would be before before the end of the year. My husband laughed and said, "How do you know that?" I find people interesting and even if it's a five minute conversation with a stranger at Starbucks I want it to be intentional.

I do all of this because I think it's important. I know I can't expect the same level of intention from everyone in my life. No relationship is 50/50. Several years ago I had a friend whose husband was dying, and I was studying for the bar exam. I had a meltdown about the bar yet a few hours later ran out of the house to be with her when she called. Was our relationship 50/50 then? Absolutely not. But I also know she's there if I need her. She's a ride or die.

In the last few decade I've found myself evaluating those relationships that are never 50/50, meaning the only intentional interactions are on my end. It gets exhausting. If a relationship doesn't mean enough to someone else (whether it's personal or professional) for them to put any effort into it, I've found it's not worth my effort either. It doesn't mean I don't care for or respect someone, but we have different expectations. Sometimes relationships run their course and that's okay too.

I have a drawer full of note cards, a calendar full of reminders, an address book that gets frequent use and so many wonderful friends and colleagues that I feel emotional thinking of how grateful I am. We get one shot at life, and I want mine to be as intentional as possible. So tell me everything about your third nipple. I can't wait to hear more about what makes you you.