Chats with my Colorectal Surgeon (and other health musings)

I often have people comment about my positive attitude in the face of my health challenges.  Honesty? The last four years have been rough. I've tried really, really hard to stay positive and maintain a good attitude. Outwardly I've mostly succeeded. But there have been some dark times and days, and it's important to be honest about just how hard this can be. 

In the fall of 2019 I had the first of five bowel obstructions I'd have over the next few years. I had no idea that it was the start of this challenging time, and I faced each obstruction with positivity and following all the steps. I once had a nervous new nurse inserting my NG tube in the ER, and I spent the time calming her down despite the knowledge that I was getting ready to have a tube shoved into my nose, down my throat and into my stomach. 

NG tube selfie from August 2020

September of 2021 (and I obviously have a favorite headband)

I had an abscess drained in March of 2021 (and kept the drain for 8 months) and then again in May of 2022. I just had that drained removed in March after 10 months. I went to my colorectal surgeon's office two weeks after shoulder surgery (I'll get there in a minute) joking with him that he's been getting too much of my business so I had to spread it around. He looked at his nurse and said, "She's the toughest patient I have. She's been through so much, and she always has a smile and a positive attitude."

It was one of the best compliments I've ever received. My surgeon has seen me on some of my darkest days, like my more than two week post-surgery hospital stay in January of last year. I had one day where I couldn't stop crying. COVID limited visitors, so I was alone all day. My surgeon came in and I asked him what happened if my small intestine didn't start working again? Was I going to die? 

During my longest hospitalization, January 2022

He emphatically told me that it had never occurred to him that I would die, and it would just take time. He was doing rounds but spent a half an hour in my room making sure I was okay. It was the kindest thing a doctor has done for me, and it pulled me out of such a dark moment.

Last summer I started seeing a new GI doctor in Lansing (after 15 years at the University of Michigan). He's amazing, and he switched me back to Remicade, a medication I have previously been on that worked well. My Crohn's Disease is largely perianal, and it's the medication that works best. I started the new infusions in the fall, and by the end of the year I started to feel (knock on wood) well. For the first time in half a decade I started feeling like myself again. I didn't want to be too excited or celebrate it because Crohn's is a crazy roller coaster.

With my Crohn's stable I decided to take care of the labrum tear in my right shoulder that was really bothering me. On February 27 I had surgery to repair my labrum and move my bicep tendon. As a surgery veteran I didn't mentally take it seriously. The first week I was in so much pain I regularly wondered WTF I had done.

A few days post-shoulder surgery, March 2023

Unlike my Crohn's recovery where I push pretty hard, I am following instructions to the letter. I wore a sling 24/7 (except while showering) for 4 weeks. I religiously do all my PT exercises. As I type this (because I can type again after 4 weeks or barely being able to!) I'm 7 weeks post-surgery and feeling optimistic. My range of motion has tremendously improved. X-rays show everything is attaching well. My shoulder is still achy and sore at times, but for the first time in years I feel like I'm back. 

The truth is I wondered if this was it. Maybe I was just going to feel some level of crummy the rest of my life, and I'd have to wrap my head around it. But damn the human body is extraordinary. A few weeks ago I joined a gym to work on my total body fitness while my shoulder still heals. I can't do much (or really anything) with my right arm, but it feels so amazing to push my core and legs to the brink of feeling like I can't move. Fifteen months ago I spent 16 days in the hospital. Seven weeks ago I had shoulder surgery. But my body, and more importantly my mind, have rebounded. 

All smiles after my first gym visit

I want to see my amazing son grow up to be the wonderful man I know he'll be. I push myself because I know what my body is capable of. I've seen it at it's best and it's absolute worst. The strength I build in the good times provides the base to push through the bad times.

My reason. "Mom let's make cute faces!"

I feel overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to have this body. It is perfect? Nope. I'm its worst critic. But the physical and mental strength I've had to fight for have made me who I am. It's not always easy to have a positive attitude, but it's always worth it to fight for it.