Starting from Scratch

Nearly 17 years ago I'd never run more than a mile (MAYBE two) consecutively in my life. I went to a Team in Training meeting with a friend and decided to run a marathon. Like one does. I went from never running to training for my first marathon, and I was instantly addicted. 

Running my first half (Nike Women's Half in San Francisco) in 2006

In the next decade I ran and ran and ran. Four marathons. Twenty two half marathons. Dozens of 5k and 10k races, and a few 10-milers and 15ks thrown in. I ran hundreds of training miles, and I loved every minute of it (even the hard ones). 

Running both the 5k and 10k at the 5/3 River Bank run in 2015 
(my first Mother's Day!)

Happy tears after the New York Marathon

When I was hospitalized for a month in 2014 I started running again right away. I ran a 10k three months after my hospital stay. Being a runner became a huge part of my identity, and I didn't know how to NOT be a runner. People suggest cycling (vomit) or walking, and none of those work. I need to run.

Fast forward to 2016. I ran the Detroit Half Marathon in October and ended up in the ER with a perianal abscess a week later. I thought it wasn't a big deal; I'd be back to running soon. But the abscess drained for 8 months, and running was tough.

Finishing the Detroit Half in 2016. A week later I was in the ER and had surgery.

Once the abscess healed I ran a great 5k and won my age group, but I tore my meniscus. After a few months of PT I had surgery to repair it, but by then it had been more than a year since I'd been running regularly.

In January 2018 I took the job as Chief of Staff to the Mayor, and I was so busy that fitting in running was hard. I found myself struggling to figure out time to work out for the first time in my adult life. I ran some, but the miles were fewer. I ran some 5ks, but distance runs were tough to fit in. I figured I'd get back to it soon.

Then, in 2019, the bowel obstructions started. I had five in two years. I had another abscess in 2021, and had another drain for 8 months. The abscess healed after 8 months only to come back 6 months later. The same abscess is now actively draining for the third time.

Meanwhile the miles have continued to decrease. I exercise nearly every day, but have done a lot more walking and strength training. This year, after my two-week hospital stay in January, I wanted to get back to running. I started walking on the treadmill four days after I was released from the hospital. 

Every time I tried to run it felt HARD. Even just a few minutes felt hard. I was really struggling to run at all. In June I registered for a 10k thinking it wouldn't be that big of a deal. I was wrong. I wasn't in 10k shape. If I'm being honest I wasn't in 1-mile shape. It was a real struggle, and while I finished I mostly walked the second half. 

After I came home I realized my days of being in constant half marathon shape are over. I needed to start again from the beginning like I had never been a runner. What a blow to the ego.

In August I started a beginning 5k program, and I've been slowly building back to running fitness. This morning I ran a mile, and it felt easy. It felt like I was a runner again. Twelve years ago I was training for my first marathon logging double digit miles every weekend. But this year I'm starting again.

It was very difficult to acknowledge that I needed to begin again. All these years of running and training feel like a distant memory. The dozens of medals and times I won my age group seem far away. But nearly 17 years ago I ran a first step. Sure I was in my 20s and life was a little less hectic. But my body remembers how it feels to be a runner. It misses it. More importantly my mind misses it.

My goal is to be back in half marathon shape in 2023. I miss being part of a throng of runners at a start anticipating more than a dozen miles to be run. I miss the feeling of accomplishment when I cross the finish line. Today I ran a mile. It may not be a marathon, but I feel like a bad ass.