Under Pressure

It's been a tough few years for all of us, and even with all this pressure I feel like I've weathered the storms (pandemic, severe health challenges, no childcare, virtual school, job changes) pretty well. This month, May 2022, is when it all came crashing down. Dealing with the air conditioning tune up guy was what did me in.

On May 4 I had surgery to drain/repair an abscess, the same abscess I had surgically addressed in 2016 and again last March. The infection just won't stay away, and I hate the idea of having another seton (drain) for who knows how long. But we scheduled surgery, and I came home feeling 1) relieved that it went well and I was heading home and 2) ready to heal and start running again and get back to "normal".

When we got home from surgery I mentioned something to my husband about him dropping our son off at school the next morning (less than 24 hours after surgery for the record) and he mentioned he couldn't because he had meetings. So, less than 24 hours after surgery, I took our puppy to daycare (so I could rest) and our son to school. My husband was also having cold like symptoms, and he had an inconclusive rapid COVID test. So he went to get a PCR and started isolating in our guest room that day.

That evening my husband's PCR results were positive, so we continued isolation. We're lucky to have a full guest suite with a bathroom, so for five days immediately post-surgery my husband stayed in that room while our son was home from school. I dealt with my work, child care, pets, making dinner, getting groceries and doing all the things. There was no other option so I am certainly not blaming my husband, but the timing was rough. 

I opened my Mother's Day gifts with my husband on FaceTime upstairs. My son and I continued to test negative, so we at least got outside to the park and a baseball game. After five days my husband came out of isolation but continued to wear a mask around the house. He was tired, and I know he wasn't feeling well. But I was struggling with resentment that I got less than 24 hours to recover from surgery. And that's not the first time. When you have a chronic illness and handle it like I do (pretend like things are fine), everyone, even those closest to you, think it's fine. I was not fine.

A Mother's Day baseball game with my little dude.

Just when things were starting to return to normal I took our dog to daycare. I got a call from the kennel manager less than an hour later that our dog had hurt her paw. They had to anesthetize her and give her stitches. The paw is also a brutal place for a large, clumsy pup to have an injury. I had to take her in every few days to have it looked at which was extremely convenient. 

A week after her injury she ripped out her sutures, and I'm STILL taking her in every two days to have the bandage changed. She has to take 4 pills twice a day which requires me putting them in peanut butter and shoving them in her face. We both love it. 

Our pathetic injured girl.

Then last weekend, just as our human family was getting healthy again, I've continued having major pain and drainage from my abscess site. Then I began having throat and ear pain. After a few negative COVID tests I went to urgent care to discover I have an ear infection and a sinus infection. Last Sunday my husband and son went to my mother-in-law's so I could at least sort of rest for a few hours (as much as one can rest with a giant injured dog sleeping on you). I couldn't leave the pup downstairs because she could tear off her bandage so it was mildly relaxing but not really restful.

The Monday came the straw. My husband scheduled an air conditioning tune up. It wasn't something I suggested or cared about. When he scheduled it he said he'd be home to take care of it. Then he came in and started telling me when he's not available and asking if I could help. I lost it. LOST IT. Very dramatic, very over the top. But come. on. After doing all the things (and even aside from this month doing much of our household contractor contact) something about being asked to help meet the stupid air conditioning guy was too much. I lost my shit like my husband had asked me to repair the air conditioning myself. 

I do have a great, supportive partner, and part of why I work for myself is so I can have more flexibility to manage things in our life. But this month has been a lot. Obviously it can be worse, and I feel better even writing it down. My ear is still ringing and filled with pressure even after 4 days of steroids and antibiotics, but it'll get better. The antibiotics are actually helping with my abscess as well. I decided to register for a 10k next weekend. I haven't been running but screw it. I can continue to wallow or make plans to pull me out of it. Today I wallow (maybe for a few more days). Next week I run.