Law School + Surgeries: What? Like it’s Hard?

I have never wanted to be an attorney. The advice I'd received, to spend the extra year at law school for more options, was the advice I was taking. I did not want to practice law. I was also starting three of the most challenging years of my life a month after major surgery, so that set the stage for my law school adventure.

The week before classes started I drove up to buy my books. Law school books are large and heavy, and I was still restricted to carrying 15 pounds or less. I realized I still had to get the books home, so I carried them back to my car despite my restrictions.    

I've always been very ambitious, but my mindset going into law school was less ambition and more survival. In the composite photo of my first year class my face is so swollen with steroids that it takes up nearly the entire tiny square in which I'm pictured. I didn't want people to know I'd just had surgery and certainly didn't want anyone to know I had an ostomy. It was time to suck it up.

Unlike undergrad law school came with pre-class reading even before the first day. I spent Sunday completing all my reading for both Monday and Tuesday because there was a concert I wanted to attend on Monday with my brother and our friends. I decided early on that law school would be a huge part of my life, but I wouldn't live for law school. It's advice I give to any law student now because by and large law students are the worst. 

I quickly found my tribe starting in the women's bathroom. I met a woman, Stephanie, whose hair was still braided from her honeymoon in Jamaica from which she'd just returned. Stephanie, Natalie, Tricia and Wendy would be my lifeline during law school. While we were all still ambitious, we weren't the crazy that I would say characterizes so many law students. The constant competition and one-upmanship was exhausting, and I refused to play. Honestly law school was my second priority after my health.

What I wanted to say then and couldn't but will say now is that the first year of law school is hard. Do you know what makes it harder? Three surgeries. I was violently sick my first year, and I watched the stress level for so many students nearly break them. It gave me perspective that I probably wouldn't have had otherwise. Oh your final is hard? Simmer down. It's not the end of the world. Try adding three surgeries and then talk to me about how hard it is.

I did love studying the law. I loved reading the cases (except for tax law which is horrible), and my cohort of girlfriends helped keep me sane. I'll never forget coming home after my first final, property law, and collapsing onto the couch next to my brother completely exhausted. 

I survived my first semester, and a few days after finals ended I had my second major surgery. I was hoping to have my ileostomy reversed even though my surgeon was noncommittal. He was going to try, but if he couldn't he would reconstruct my bowel. The reconstruction would change my stomach from an end stoma, where the end of my intestine was sticking out to a loop stoma which is just like it sounds. He would also build a J-pouch, a pouch that would allow my small intestine to be reattached to my rectum either during this surgery or a subsequent one.

My mom, fiancé and I headed to Pittsburgh where I had a pre-operative appointment the day before surgery. It was near Christmas, so I was naturally wearing a cute red sweater with faux fur around the collar, a black mini-skirt and knee-high black boots. As I waited for the doctor I struck up a conversation with a woman, Michele, who'd recently had her colon removed by the same surgeon. We exchanged contact information and remain friends and Crohn's confidantes to this day. I'm so glad we had appointments at the same time. 

I was nervous the night before surgery. Unlike my first surgery where I was in a very acute situation, I'd been largely feeling well for the last five months. My mom and fiance were staying in family housing attached to the hospital, and I stayed with them the night before surgery. I don't remember the actual surgery, but I do remember waking up and feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. Unlike my first surgery where I actually felt better after, I felt miserable.

My surgeon was not comfortable reversing my ileostomy. He said I still had too much inflammation, particularly in my rectum. So he left the ostomy and created the J-pouch and loop stoma. I was so disappointed.

The surgery was on December 20, and I desperately wanted to be home for Christmas. Again my surgeon was noncommittal, but I was determined. As soon as the NG came out I was walking around the halls and trying to eat. My mom bought Christmas decorations for my hospital room (all of which I still have and use in my house to this day). 

With my surgeon, Dr. Schraut, post-surgery in December 2000

After my constant badgering my surgeon did let me out of the hospital on Christmas Eve so I was home with my family. On Christmas morning I was sitting next to my brother at breakfast. He looked at me, deadpan, and asked, "Did you just shit yourself?" Ostomy humor was real in our house. 

Opening gifts with my brother on Christmas morning 2000,
the day after I got out of the hospital. I look unwell. 

I had only a few weeks to recover before classes started, and this recovery was tough. I started back to school, but I was slow. My first class of the day several days a week was property law, taught my the dean of the law school. I had to miss a few classes because I was so sick. Unbeknownst to me at the time my mom had called the dean to tell him about my surgery and that I was very sick. This was out of character for my mom who is generally pretty hands off. 

A few weeks after school started I was spending MLK weekend at my parents', and I had an appointment with my surgeon on Monday. I was very sick and lethargic as we got in the car to head to Pittsburgh. About halfway my dad stopped at McDonald's to get coffee and go to the bathroom. While he was inside I opened the car door and began throwing up in the parking lot. I was feeling very dehydrated and couldn't even formulate saliva. When we got to my surgeon's office they gave me an IV and three bags of fluid. It was the first time I realized how much I had to focus on hydration. 

I was very sick for the next three months. I regularly took Percoset to be able to function because I was in so much pain. Three months after my second surgery and eight months after my first my ileostomy was reversed. I was so relieved for it to be reversed and also slightly terrified. 

A few weeks after my reversal I went to my fiance's military formal. My hair had gotten so thin from the surgeries and medication. I had a fever yet powered through to attend the event. Looking back at photos I was so skinny and so sick. Two months after my third surgery I walked down the aisle to marry my fiance. 

With a friend at the ROTC formal. I had a fever and was so sick. I
I didn't realize how pale I looked until now. 

I won't say much about my first marriage, but suffice it to say that two 22 year old kids who were facing law school, a new military career and a chronic illness weren't ready for what life was going to throw at them. (From now on, however, I will simply refer to him as my "ex"). Nevertheless at the end of my first year of law school I'd had three surgeries and was now married. It had been a wild year. And I didn't even realize that I was about to be given another diagnosis.