Regaining my Equilibrium in 2021

Three years ago I held my three-year-old son as he slept at the new Lansing Mayor's inauguration. I was that new mayor's Chief of Staff, and I dreamily floated through that day in heady anticipation of my dream job. The first few months were a blur, and honestly it really didn't slow down for more than two years. I did not have a single day, not one, without an email, text or phone call. I remember being in Napa for my 40th birthday and being on my third (or so?) mimosa. I got a text that I was needed in a meeting. It was not the first or last meeting I would do after a few cocktails. I was on vacation in Boston and did a 90 minute meeting in the hotel lobby so as to not wake up my napping son. I was on call 24/7.

Filed under: ways to feel like super mom

At the end of my first year I vowed to find more balance. I blogged about having lost myself and how I resolved in 2019 to do better. I'd spend more time with family, I'd actually take time off, I'd exercise, blah, blah, blah. Y'all have reading this blog long enough to know none of those things happened.

Then in March of 2020 we were all blindsided by a global pandemic. Suddenly the busy calendar cleared. Sure it was replaced by phone and video calls, but I was home. Ask for family time and ye shall receive. Ask for time to exercise and viola! COVID grants that wish. I honestly probably took less time off, but at least we were safe, healthy and together.

As the year went on I had some struggles. I was hospitalized with bowel obstructions three times in 2020. I had a number of Crohn's procedures, and as I type this I've got an appointment on my calendar for yet another MRI at the University of Michigan as we try to figure this out. 

My son started virtual school, and my days became even more off-kilter managing work, school and my health challenges. In the fall I decided something had to give. If anything COVID taught me a valuable lesson about what I need and what's most important to me. I asked my boss to step back and no longer be deputy mayor. I asked to work part-time and focus on a few key projects. But I'd no longer sit through 5 or 6 hours of city council meetings every other week. I'd no longer have 20 hours to video check-in calls a week. I could focus on my health and family first. 

I also formed my own consulting company to take on projects I enjoy. In politics jobs are never certain, and I realized I also needed to start thinking more broadly about what comes next for me. I miss working in statewide policymaking and with statewide organizations. Having my own company would allow me to take on a few interesting projects while still allowing me the flexibility (and less stress) I need. (You can check out my new website here: hundredplace.com).

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New head shots

I didn't realize how important it would become to me to focus on my son now that he's in school. Once he physically goes to school I want to be able to be home when he gets home and take him to school every day. In just three years my priorities entirely shifted.

This week I had an interesting revelation. I've been having severe back pain for the entire time I've been in the Mayor's office. I had an MRI. I went to physical therapy. I've taken more ibuprofen than any human (particularly one with Crohn's) should take. I even compromised by wearing more sensible footwear a few days a week. Even during COVID the back pain didn't subside. I couldn't figure it out. 

I worked my last city council meeting just over a month ago on December 14. I began the process of handing off work, and am now logging just around 20 hours a week per my contract. I realized this week I have had zero back pain for weeks. My back pain was clearly connected to the stress of the job, and that was a bit mind blowing to me. I know our bodies handle stress differently, and mine was clearly in my back. 

I have run every day in 2021 even if it's just a mile. I've already read 7 books. I am with my son through virtual school even on the days when he's crying and doesn't want to do it. I've been cooking a lot and really, really enjoying it. I'm saying no, a word I haven't said in a long time. And I've been ignoring my cell phone more than I have in years.  I am discovering me again, and I'm doing it on my own terms. It feels amazing.

A 2021 happy hour

5 miles with my crew

Turns out cooking is fun!

Yoga with my canine helper

I certainly don't regret taking the big job, and there have been some really wonderful times. But someone told me about 9 months in that it's not a permanent job. It's meant to be shorter term because it's just so much. I'll be honest: I resented being told that then, but now I know she was right (at least for me). 

I know we're all really excited about 2021. I'm really excited to get to reacquainted with me this year.