Because Vodka Isn't Interesting
It's no secret that I have strong opinions about pretty much everything. A few years ago a friend said to me that I espouse my opinion like it's a fact, and I thought um obviously because it is. Despite my strong opinions I don't expect everyone to agree with me (how boring would that be?) even though we all know I'm right.
It's also no secret that I love cocktails. (Think there's no connection here? Wait for it.) I'm a huge wine fan - champagne, white (only in the summer and only Sauvignon Blanc), red all year long (preferably Pinot Noir). I love bourbon and gin cocktails, and I don't hate rum but it's definitely saved for summer or tropical locations. Last year I broke my arbitrary "I don't drink rum north of Miami rule" by making the mojito my pool drink.
I don't drink tequila because I don't enjoy the taste. But I will say that tequila has character. Even though I generally don't enjoy it I respect it for the force it is. Last weekend I did have a coconut margarita with tequila in Florida, and it was delicious. I also respect but can't drink beer. It's one of my Crohn's triggers, and any time I drink more than half a beer I get very sick.
That brings me to vodka, the tofu of booze*. A few years ago my husband I were at Standby, a restaurant in Detroit with a phenomenal cocktail menu. As we were perusing the extensive list of drinks I noticed there weren't any vodka cocktails. Even though I rarely drink vodka I was curious about the omission. I asked our server why there weren't any vodka cocktails. With a dismissive flick of his hand he said, "Because vodka isn't interesting." And then he walked away never knowing he was my hero. I've used that line over and over again since.
First let me say I love a bloody mary. A good bloody is my brunch jam. But can we be honest? I love tomato juice and sassy garnishes. The vodka is simply there to give one a buzz. It adds nothing to the cocktail. Its actual flavor is gross, and unlike bourbon or even tequila that have an aggressive presence, vodka merely exists.
Don't even get me started on the vodka soda. It is, quite possibly, the most useless cocktail of all time. When I think of it I think of college girls trying not to drink too many calories. It serves no purpose as a cocktail, and I think it should be banned from the universe (opinion or fact? You decide.)
Writing this blog made me start thinking about my favorite cocktails, so I've composed a list of my top five. No vodka drinks because...not interesting.
5. The Manhattan. You can never, ever go wrong with a good Manhattan. Whiskey (I prefer rye), vermouth, bitters, an orange peel and cherries...it's a classic. If I'm not in the mood for wine (rare), a Manhattan is a good go to.
4. Bee's Knees. I love this drink. It's gin, lemon juice and honey simple syrup. My husband is an awesome amateur bartender, and I love it when he makes honey simple syrup. That means my day is about to get a lot more interesting.
3. Negroni. Shut the front door: gin, Campari, vermouth. Classic, perfect, delightful - just like me. Also any time I drink Campari I think of one of my favorite First Amendment cases, Hustler Magazine v. Falwell. Look it up. You won't be disappointed.
2. Vieux Carre. This gem originated in New Orleans, and it's magic for the taste buds. Rye whiskey, Cognac, sweet vermouth, Benedictine, Peychaud's bitters and Angostura bitters combine together to create one of the best cocktails in the history of the universe.
1. French 75. I am obsessed with the French 75. It combines two of my favorite things, champagne and gin, with simple syrup and lemon. It's heaven in a champagne flute. If you don't enjoy a French 75 I'm not sure how we can be friends.
If any of these fail (which is not possible), simply sticking with wine or champagne will do. The flavor profile in any of these cocktails will knock your socks off. Maybe literally depending on how many you drink.
And look if you really love vodka, you do you. And I will happily try vodka cocktails in an effort to be proven wrong. Good luck to you. But I would encourage you to compare any of the above with any vodka cocktail anywhere. Your taste buds will thank you.
*No offense to tofu. I legit love tofu.
It's also no secret that I love cocktails. (Think there's no connection here? Wait for it.) I'm a huge wine fan - champagne, white (only in the summer and only Sauvignon Blanc), red all year long (preferably Pinot Noir). I love bourbon and gin cocktails, and I don't hate rum but it's definitely saved for summer or tropical locations. Last year I broke my arbitrary "I don't drink rum north of Miami rule" by making the mojito my pool drink.
 |
| Champagne and oysters in Boston. |
 |
| Champagne in the sunshine in Florida. Sensing a pattern here... |
That brings me to vodka, the tofu of booze*. A few years ago my husband I were at Standby, a restaurant in Detroit with a phenomenal cocktail menu. As we were perusing the extensive list of drinks I noticed there weren't any vodka cocktails. Even though I rarely drink vodka I was curious about the omission. I asked our server why there weren't any vodka cocktails. With a dismissive flick of his hand he said, "Because vodka isn't interesting." And then he walked away never knowing he was my hero. I've used that line over and over again since.
First let me say I love a bloody mary. A good bloody is my brunch jam. But can we be honest? I love tomato juice and sassy garnishes. The vodka is simply there to give one a buzz. It adds nothing to the cocktail. Its actual flavor is gross, and unlike bourbon or even tequila that have an aggressive presence, vodka merely exists.
Don't even get me started on the vodka soda. It is, quite possibly, the most useless cocktail of all time. When I think of it I think of college girls trying not to drink too many calories. It serves no purpose as a cocktail, and I think it should be banned from the universe (opinion or fact? You decide.)
Writing this blog made me start thinking about my favorite cocktails, so I've composed a list of my top five. No vodka drinks because...not interesting.
5. The Manhattan. You can never, ever go wrong with a good Manhattan. Whiskey (I prefer rye), vermouth, bitters, an orange peel and cherries...it's a classic. If I'm not in the mood for wine (rare), a Manhattan is a good go to.
4. Bee's Knees. I love this drink. It's gin, lemon juice and honey simple syrup. My husband is an awesome amateur bartender, and I love it when he makes honey simple syrup. That means my day is about to get a lot more interesting.
3. Negroni. Shut the front door: gin, Campari, vermouth. Classic, perfect, delightful - just like me. Also any time I drink Campari I think of one of my favorite First Amendment cases, Hustler Magazine v. Falwell. Look it up. You won't be disappointed.
2. Vieux Carre. This gem originated in New Orleans, and it's magic for the taste buds. Rye whiskey, Cognac, sweet vermouth, Benedictine, Peychaud's bitters and Angostura bitters combine together to create one of the best cocktails in the history of the universe.
1. French 75. I am obsessed with the French 75. It combines two of my favorite things, champagne and gin, with simple syrup and lemon. It's heaven in a champagne flute. If you don't enjoy a French 75 I'm not sure how we can be friends.
If any of these fail (which is not possible), simply sticking with wine or champagne will do. The flavor profile in any of these cocktails will knock your socks off. Maybe literally depending on how many you drink.
 |
| Sometimes my friends and I drink $75 wine with Pizza Hut and pork rinds because America. |
*No offense to tofu. I legit love tofu.
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