Who Needs to be a Size 2 Anyway?

At the age 40 I've been running for 13 years, much less than half of my life. My knee surgery was a year ago, and I thought I'd be back to running right away. I did not account for the intense, crazy, insanely time consuming new job I'd be taking on two months after that surgery. The last ten months have been bananas in a good way. I have been at a conference the first few days of this week, and the rest of the week my schedule is nuts. It's entirely scheduled without a minute to spare from 8 am to 5 pm. If I need to do crazy things like go to the bathroom or read emails or prepare for a meeting...well those things either have to wait or I do them while in actual meetings (usually the latter.) Luxuries like running? I don't have time for that.

While at the conference (CityLab in Detroit) I ran twice on the treadmill. My hips hurt, and I had a twinge in my knee, but I did it. In the last few months I've realized several truths: 1) I'm not in the shape I need to be and have to start from scratch and 2) I have to make time. Have to. Something has to change.

I've gained 20 pounds this year. TWENTY. And look - I get (intellectually) that I'm not fat. The gaggle of size 2 dresses in my closet are hanging there, unworn, while I go up a size (or two if the skirt is straight). In order to work out or run it has to happen at 5 am, and that's tough. It's been really, really hard, and of course I know the hard is what makes it great. 

A few weeks ago I went to the gym and had an amazing, hard workout. I took photos of myself (the "before" if you will) determined to post them on my blog. But here's the thing: I'm not that brave. I'm not happy with how I look, and I don't think anyone else needs to see me in a sports bra. You're welcome. 

But that hard workout made me realize I've got to get back into it. I spent a week in Napa (where despite the sheer volume of alcohol consumed I did run twice), and when I got back I was exhausted. I dove head first back into work with a blistering schedule and didn't work out for a week. 

This is 40. 

Now, after a great workout over the weekend and running twice I've come up with a plan: prioritize running. Prioritize exercise. Prioritize me. Today I put a beginner half marathon training plan on my calendar. I'm starting from the beginning like I've never run a half before. I will stick to it, and I will be back to running 13.1 early next year. I'm registered for three 5ks in November and early December. I'll find a way back to me.

Maybe I'll never get back into those size 2 dresses. But if finding myself again means finding a bigger size, that'll be okay too.