Who Told You Parenting was Easy?
If you know me or have read this blog for any length of time you know it took us years to start a family. Six years to be exact. I remember the pain of that time so acutely, and I promised myself that if/when we became parents I would enjoy it. I promised myself that even on the toughest days and in the most challenging moments I would remind myself of the pain of wanting to be a mom. To date that reminder always works, even in the most trying of moments.
I know there's a weird balance on social media. We tend to oscillate between the perfect photo and sharing some very real nugget about us...how hard (insert hard situation) is. I'm finding myself becoming less patient about what feels like a barrage of parenting complaints on social media. There's a fine line between "my kid did this crazy thing and I have to tell you all because you'll get it" and "I'm complaining about my life because I can't believe nobody told me how hard this is." I would pose the following questions: did someone tell you parenting was going to be easy? Did you start a family thinking it was not going to entirely change your life?
I am so far from the perfect parent. I fail every single day. But I chose this. Not only did I choose it, I really chose it. While so many people get to be parents the easy way, we were fingerprinted and had home visits and had our life scrutinized by strangers. We wanted it badly, and it was 100 percent worth it. That's why I promised myself I'd always have perspective when it comes to being a mom. And while I fail every day, I will also say I have that perspective every single day.
One of my good friends said a child at the age of three is like one at the age of two but with intent. That friend is brilliant. My son is amazing and spirited and very smart and can be a total jerk. He loses it over the most random things, but it's all a struggle for control. A few weeks ago on school picture day he threw tantrum after tantrum for reasons like "Daddy pushed the button on the coffee machine" and "I want tortilla chips for breakfast". By the time I dropped him off at school looking adorable in clothes I had wrestled him into, I was an exhausted, sweaty mess. I took a before photo of his attitude in the parking lot so I'd remember that a snapshot can be deceiving. Naturally his school photos turned out absolutely beautifully, and maybe in 20-30 years I'll look back and only remember that perfect smile and not the tantrums.
The days can be long, but the years are so short. I have one shot at this parenting thing. I waited six years to be this little guy's mom, and I'll be damned if I'm not going to enjoy it. Do I lose my patience? Sure. But it's not very frequently. I saw this blog recently about how's it's okay to yell at your children all the time, and moms were commenting about how frequently they do it. One mom actually said "Everyone does it; we're just admitting it." I'll be honest - it was one of those moments I had to restrain myself from angrily commenting. Can children be infuriating? Absolutely. But they remember how we've treated them. Do you regularly yell at your boss? Your colleagues? Your spouse? Why is it okay to talk to your children with less respect than everyone else you deal with? Trust me in my job my child is far down on the list of infuriating people I encounter, and I don't get to yell at most of them. I'm not saying I have never or will never yell at my child, but I try to think of the respect I show others in my life. My son deserves that level of respect from me. More actually.
These years will be gone before I know it. If that means he has to go in time out for kicking me because I won't let him watch more TV and I balance that with extra snuggles, that's how we will roll. But I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Nothing worth it is ever easy. I often lose perspective in life, but not when it comes to being a mom. I will blink and he will be an adult, and I don't want to think I spent all my time being impatient and frustrated.
This morning my son refused to brush his teeth because I wouldn't give him M&Ms for breakfast, and I basically had to wrestle him to get it done. He refused to go potty, and yelled at me because I insisted on combing his hair. I had to peel him off me to hand him to his teacher, and I wouldn't change a minute of it. His strong will and spirit are amazing, and these years are short. Being my son's mom is the best job I've ever had, and I will soak it all in.
I know there's a weird balance on social media. We tend to oscillate between the perfect photo and sharing some very real nugget about us...how hard (insert hard situation) is. I'm finding myself becoming less patient about what feels like a barrage of parenting complaints on social media. There's a fine line between "my kid did this crazy thing and I have to tell you all because you'll get it" and "I'm complaining about my life because I can't believe nobody told me how hard this is." I would pose the following questions: did someone tell you parenting was going to be easy? Did you start a family thinking it was not going to entirely change your life?
I am so far from the perfect parent. I fail every single day. But I chose this. Not only did I choose it, I really chose it. While so many people get to be parents the easy way, we were fingerprinted and had home visits and had our life scrutinized by strangers. We wanted it badly, and it was 100 percent worth it. That's why I promised myself I'd always have perspective when it comes to being a mom. And while I fail every day, I will also say I have that perspective every single day.
One of my good friends said a child at the age of three is like one at the age of two but with intent. That friend is brilliant. My son is amazing and spirited and very smart and can be a total jerk. He loses it over the most random things, but it's all a struggle for control. A few weeks ago on school picture day he threw tantrum after tantrum for reasons like "Daddy pushed the button on the coffee machine" and "I want tortilla chips for breakfast". By the time I dropped him off at school looking adorable in clothes I had wrestled him into, I was an exhausted, sweaty mess. I took a before photo of his attitude in the parking lot so I'd remember that a snapshot can be deceiving. Naturally his school photos turned out absolutely beautifully, and maybe in 20-30 years I'll look back and only remember that perfect smile and not the tantrums.
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| Before |
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| After |
As I drove away that morning, I was emotional. It wasn't because it was a hard morning (even though is was), but I had a moment where I realized just how fleeting these days are. He will be four in less than three months. These four years have flown by in the blink of an eye. Soon he will be an adolescent and then a teenager, and then he will no longer be my little boy.
Last night we went to dinner, and it was terrible. It was one of those nights where I wondered why people ever leave the house with children. Our son had zero interest in being out, and it was not enjoyable. I was frustrated, but when we walked out he wanted to run to the car. We took off running and were both laughing and happy by the time we got there. The evening may have been challenging, but it ended with joy.
Last night we went to dinner, and it was terrible. It was one of those nights where I wondered why people ever leave the house with children. Our son had zero interest in being out, and it was not enjoyable. I was frustrated, but when we walked out he wanted to run to the car. We took off running and were both laughing and happy by the time we got there. The evening may have been challenging, but it ended with joy.
The days can be long, but the years are so short. I have one shot at this parenting thing. I waited six years to be this little guy's mom, and I'll be damned if I'm not going to enjoy it. Do I lose my patience? Sure. But it's not very frequently. I saw this blog recently about how's it's okay to yell at your children all the time, and moms were commenting about how frequently they do it. One mom actually said "Everyone does it; we're just admitting it." I'll be honest - it was one of those moments I had to restrain myself from angrily commenting. Can children be infuriating? Absolutely. But they remember how we've treated them. Do you regularly yell at your boss? Your colleagues? Your spouse? Why is it okay to talk to your children with less respect than everyone else you deal with? Trust me in my job my child is far down on the list of infuriating people I encounter, and I don't get to yell at most of them. I'm not saying I have never or will never yell at my child, but I try to think of the respect I show others in my life. My son deserves that level of respect from me. More actually.
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| On vacation in Boston this summer it was hot, and he insisted on being carried and sassy. Love it. |
This morning my son refused to brush his teeth because I wouldn't give him M&Ms for breakfast, and I basically had to wrestle him to get it done. He refused to go potty, and yelled at me because I insisted on combing his hair. I had to peel him off me to hand him to his teacher, and I wouldn't change a minute of it. His strong will and spirit are amazing, and these years are short. Being my son's mom is the best job I've ever had, and I will soak it all in.
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