The Struggle of Perfection

Nearly two years ago I wrote a blog about my impossible quest to be perfect. I had just lost my dad and was desperately seeking perspective. Nearly two years later, in the busiest time I've ever had in my entire life, I am still desperately and elusively seeking perspective. And this time I don't have running to anchor me and keep me sane. So I can't find perspective and am a little bit crazy. It's a tenuous situation.

On December 1 I officially started my new job as Lansing's Mayor-Elect's Chief of Staff. It's been a whirlwind. People keep using the analogy "drinking from a fire hose" and frankly that'd be a lovely drink of water in comparison to what's really happening. It's been an absolute inundation of information and people. I'm working on two transitions: a public facing transition to engage as many Lansing residents as possible and an internal transition to actually get our team in city hall on January 1, 2018. It's been amazing and fascinating and fun for every single minute. And I'm exhausted.

For the first three years of my son's life I've had total flexibility in my job. I've worked from home for the last year and a half. Being in meetings or the office all day has been a big change, but my phone is the worst part. I leave an hour meeting with dozens of text messages and 4-5 missed calls. If you want to get in touch with me your best bet is to text or email. I will return calls, but I have to actually schedule them on my calendar. 

I adjusted pretty well to a work/life balance for the first three years of my son's life because I had it easy. Now I'm trying to figure out the new balance. I'm frankly less worried about work because work makes sense. I'm worried about giving the required attention to my family and my social life. I'm falling asleep at 8:30 pm and then sending certainly confused/surprised department heads texts when I wake up at 5 am to walk the dog. 

This face. Priority #1.

I thought I'd be running by mid-December, but here we are, almost six weeks after surgery. My knee is still very swollen. In addition to the torn meniscus my surgeon also removed some inflammation from behind my knee cap, and my physical therapist said it may swell significantly for months. MONTHS. C'mon knee. How am I going to handle this volume of life without running?!?

Daily icing like a boss.

None of this is meant to be a complaint. My life is a delightful, phenomenal hurricane of awesome. I now get to paid to love not just cities but MY city. My precious son turns three years old this week, and I'm still amazed that I am fortunate enough to be his mama. My husband is crazy supportive, and I have the best group of friends any girl could ever want. Sure maybe I'm slightly swamped, but I'm grateful for every moment of it. Last weekend I still found time to dance my face off (my knee was not amused) for hours at a Christmas party. We threw our son's third birthday party. My heart and my calendar are full. 

With my girlfriend at a Christmas party...tragically in flats.

Balance is a precarious thing. If it were easy it'd be called stability right? I don't expect the next four years to be easy, but I do expect them to be fun and rewarding. But making sure my family and my friends and my health and my sanity are priorities is going to be a challenge. I'm not going to stop being a perfectionist, so I've got to figure out how to balance perfection. Perhaps I'll find the answer in a cup of holiday cheer...