I made this discovery during a sluggish, humid run on Saturday morning, a morning following a party where I may have had a lot of bourbon. And maybe a few Moscow mules. My legs felt like they were made of cement. I was also having difficulty catching my breath which isn't usually a problem I have while running. I was short on time and just ran a few miles to shake off the cobwebs, but even those few miles were tough. My body is less excited about running these towns these days than it is about taking a break. My mind is not happy with this disconnect.
Compromise is hard. I want it all. I want to do it all. I had a child and barely broke stride. We have a really active social life, busy jobs, intense travel schedules (both for business and pleasure) and a toddler, and I want to keep it all going. For 18 months I've kept all the balls in the air, and now I realize I may have to let something drop. I am not amused.
The thing that's been dropping of late is exercise which isn't ideal. It's my outlet, and I need to exercise to be sane. But my body is tired, and my joints hurt. Last night I came home from work and changed into cute workout clothes because that would motivate me right? After my son went to bed I walked my dogs and then curled up on the couch to catch up on Veep with my husband before collapsing into bed at the late hour of 9 pm. I did wake up early this morning to do yoga and write this blog, and my body feels relaxed and balanced. Note to self: compromise must include exercise and writing.
I said to a friend last week that I'm making a most valiant effort to slow down, but what am I supposed to give up? Being a good mom? Working hard at my job? Having a fun social life (okay that's probably it but I don't want to)? What happens is that the people closest to me - my husband, family and friends - end up getting the least of me because they have to love me. They have to understand. That's also not fair, and then I feel guilty about not putting enough time into those critical relationships. The cycle continues.
My husband has taken a busy new job, and my sleepy work travel schedule wakes up in June. It's a busy few months, and it's a delicate balancing act to figure out our work travel. Last week my husband was in DC Sunday through Wednesday. I left Wednesday for an overnight in Detroit and he swooped in for kid pick-up late that afternoon directly from the airport. Next week he's in Northern Michigan for a conference Monday through Wednesday, and there's another handoff as I head to Northern Michigan for my board retreat as he comes home. The transitions are more work than they look like, but for our son they need to be seamless. I wouldn't change our jobs we love for anything, but there's not a lot of room for compromise. Maybe I didn't need to be out late while in Detroit last week for work and then up at 6:20 for a group run, but it was one of the highlights of the event for me. Worth not compromising.
|Early morning run at the Congress for New Urbanism (I'm in the blue shirt)|
|With my dude at the lake. The best.|