Thursday, April 14, 2016

Remembering How to Fall in Love Every Day

I've been skimming back through blogs from the last few years, and although there have been a lot of life changes (a new baby, a new house, new jobs, losing our dads) I was always falling in love. I was discovering new cities to love, running new races, spending time with my friends and family. Even when things were tough I was still falling in love.

In the last six months or so I've stopped falling in love. I've stopped seeing the world as someone who falls in love easily and started being on autopilot. While we're still traveling, I've not been running as much. I've been checking things off the to do list, even things that are supposed to be fun, instead of living in the moment. Love, or at least the art of falling, has been elusive.

In early 2014 I wrote a blog post about falling in love easily and often. I feel wistful when I read it for the easy passion with which I penned that blog. I was coming off the high of falling in love with Marquette, Michigan. We had recently returned from a week in California that included San Francisco, Monterey and Los Angeles. My running was in full swing, and I felt every day, every feeling so intensely.

Today I am sad to admit I've been feeling a little dull. I still say yes to everything. This weekend I'm having breakfast in Grand Rapids, celebrating a friend's milestone birthday, running a half marathon and celebrating that with bloody mary's. Next weekend I'll be in West Virginia visiting my mom. We recently booked a cruise in December. I've got a sabbatical in August, and we're planning a vacation (top contenders now Vancouver, Nova Scotia and Utah). 

Life is filled with fun and blessings and happiness. I see it right there in Arial font, yet I'm not falling in love with it. Part of it has been my struggle with Crohn's and being insanely exhausted over the last month or so. I woke up this morning and my first thought was 'how many hours until I can go back t sleep?'

I need to fall in love again. I want to look at a city with fresh eyes and feel the passion of a vibrant place. I want to focus on running (I haven't run in nearly two weeks) and feel the rush of pushing my limits. Of course you can't find love. Love finds you. You don't force yourself to fall in love. It happens when you least expect it. I need to make sure I'm open to the experience.

Cities and running are two of my biggest passions, and I'll admit that I'm feeling like we're in a bit of a rut. We may need to spice things up a bit. I think I have the cure for this: booking a fabulous vacay, registering for a challenging race and buying new shoes. New shoes are really the cure for everything.  

2 comments:

  1. The motions of grieving do this to the best of us; just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you'll be seeing the world for the technicolor place it is and falling in love will come more easily again.

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