Thursday, August 20, 2015

I'll Have the Food, Hold the Delicious.

I like food. A lot. I like to be able to eat whatever I want whether I choose to do so in moderation or excess. There are some foods that I am smart to avoid with my Crohns (mostly seeds and certain raw fruits/veggies), but I've fought hard against being on some sort of restrictive diet because if I'm being honest I don't want to be one of those people. If you're not one of them, you know who I'm talking about.

There's a stomach issue diet fad every few years. I've been told I should definitely give up gluten because apparently everyone has a gluten sensitivity (spoiler alert: they do not). I've been told to give up dairy. I've tried it for several months with no noticable positive health impact. For the 18 years that I've had Crohns I've found in general that the best approach for me is to eat smaller portions of whatever I want (aforementioned seeds/fruits/veggies excluded). On occasion I come to a point where everything I eat makes me sick without exception, and that becomes difficult to manage. I'm at that point right now. 

I went to see a dietitian, and I started a new, rather restrictive diet last week. I'm less surly about it than I was last week, but I still don't love it. I'm hungry all the time.  Also I love pasta, and I can't have pasta during this elimination phase. I love onions and garlic both of which are off the table. I love gin, and thankfully I can have all the gin I want because that's what will carry me through.

One of my biggest hangups with being on a restrictive diet is that I don't want to be one of those people - you know the ones who order with 50 exceptions to the food. It's so annoying. Let me clarify by saying that for people who have legit health issues or food allergies that's one thing. For the population who has adopted some special diet on their own choice and continue to talk about it constantly so EVERYONE knows you're gluten free/vegan/vegetarian/Paleo...we get it. Your diet is special, and the rest of us are terrible gluttons. (This isn't every person on the diet. But if you're talking about it all the time...well you probably don't know who you are.) Please watch this brilliant Amy Schumer piece for perfect context:




The best quote ever: "If I eat this chocolate torte that would be like my AIDS." 

A few years ago I wrote a Facebook post about how I love tator tots, and I got scathing comments from the super healthy, judgey, gluten free crowd on my Facebook friend list. I was told I ate like a child, and tator tots are disgusting. I refrained from pointing out that tempeh and tofu are ACTUALLY disgusting, but they can eat whatever they want.  Just stop talking about it already.

Now I'm one of those people scouring a menu trying to figure out what I can eat for the next few weeks as I'm eliminating a lot of things on the low FODMAP diet. FODMAPs (an acronym nobody cares about) are sugars in some foods that your body can't digest. I know...I'm bored with it too. And now I have the potential to be that orderer...without onions, wheat, etc. I just turned down a bread basket at lunch today. Who turns away a bread basket? It's tragic. 

I hope this diet will have a positive impact, at which point it will be worth it find myself so annoying. Maybe I'll lose a few pounds which I never hate. I'll promise not to be annoying or preachy while this is happening. I may complain a lot, but I'll do my best to keep my complaining to myself (after everyone reads this complaining post of course). But a life without mac 'n cheese? Worth complaining about.

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