The Feminist in Stilettos

I was in law school 21 years ago when Legally Blonde premiered. I felt like, while Elle Woods didn't entirely mirror me, this was a character I understood. I've spent my entire life feeling too frivolous, too chatty, too perky to be serious. Serious people wear neutral colors and dark suits and flats (vomit) and frown a lot. If I wanted to be taken seriously, particularly as a woman, I needed to be more serious, whatever the fuck that means. 

I love clothes. I have (I recently counted) 65 pairs of shoes not including flip flops and running shoes. I have a closet full of colorful coats and another filled with cocktail dresses (some of which I haven't even worn yet). Looking good makes me feel good. I don't own a suit. I don't do blazers. I don't feel good or powerful in them. I prefer dresses that fit me well and power heels. The heels give me my super powers (coupled with a glass of champagne makes me lethal). 

At a presentation early this year. I felt amazing in this dress.

A few years ago I was told, by a "friend", that women "like me" make it harder for women who are serious and work hard. It was like a slap in the face.  At that time I was lobbying and was pretty damn good at it. I knew I had a good reputation and had been recognized as a top lobbyist in town and "someone to watch" by another reputable publication. But wearing cute dresses, and having an outgoing (and yes sometimes flirty) personality negated all of this to these very serious women.  

I have been judged my entire career (and even before) by women including those I consider(ed) friends. I've been judged for my wardrobe, my personality, and my political views. Once it was suggested I dress the way I do to impress men. Here's the thing: I dress the way I do 1) because I love fashion and 2) because it makes ME feel good. I wear heels not to impress anyone else but because they make me feel powerful. I had a meeting last week where I was ending a contract with a client. At first I had on flats, and then I told my husband, "I'm not having this conversation in flats. This conversation calls for power heels." 

I was at an event a few months ago and an amazing friend of mine took this photo,
texted it to me and said, "You're always a fashion icon." She gets how to support women.

I've worked hard in my career to mentor younger women. I've kept an open door, I hope I've been a resource and have definitely been a reference. The best compliment is seeing women who've worked for me succeeding. I once had a (male) boss criticize me because he claimed one of my employees was dressing like me. At the time I didn't know how to handle it but honestly? It was flattering. She was finding her way in her career, and she saw that the way I dressed made me feel professional and strong. If she was emulating the way I dress I saw it as something positive not something to be judged.  

A recent visit to a client. Of course I have on a polka dot jacket and pearls.

Most of my career I have worried about not seeming serious enough (because of the comments made by "serious" women), and in the last few years I've stopped worrying about it. Ultimately I know these comments aren't about me but about the other person's insecurities. I have built a business that is fun. I enjoy my clients, and I love my work. I wear dresses and heels, and I am absolutely crushing it. Last year I grossed more money than I have in my entire career working for a total bad ass (myself): a supporter of women, a boss in heels and serious when I need to be but always having fun. 

One of my favorite dresses. Pair with lipstick. Repeat.