Here's a Shortcut: Do the Work.

I have a confession to make: I don't think I'm my best self right now. I've been thinking a lot about being my best self overall (including fitness which is a huge thing for me), and I've come to a simple, unalienable truth: there is no shortcut. To be the best version of yourself (whatever that means) you have to do the work.

I'm not the same version of myself at 46 as I was at 26. (Man could I give that girl some good advice though.) I spend a lot of time reflecting on who I am and who I want to be. While doing the work all the time seems daunting on its surface, it's not. It doesn't mean life has to be a grind 24/7, but it does mean that there is effort in whatever is important to you (which of course is unique to each of us). Where am I willing to do the work to be the best version of me?

Fitness. I love exercise. My husband says I'm "obsessed", and I retort that there are way worse obsessions. While I'm logging way fewer miles than I was a decade ago (which is when, I'd argue, I was in the best shape of my life) I know I'm fit. My body is more muscular, and I had to go up a size in the last dress I bought. And while the work looks different than it did ten years ago, I'm still doing it. Strength training is my jam, but so are wine and food so I have to force myself to do cardio too. It's all a balance.

Before my only triathlon in 2014 when I was in the
best shape of my life. 

My marriage. I've filled hours of therapy sessions to put the right amount of effort into my marriage. Marriage is complicated AF. My husband and I have been married for 16 years this year, and we've both done and said hurtful things.  We've both had to apologize and tiptoe around one another and swallow disappointment. We have also laughed until we've cried (and he makes me laugh every single day). We've been each other's strength when we couldn't handle it on our own. We've had fancy dinners and quiet drinks on the porch. We've shared the joy of raising our amazing son and the sorrow of losing our fathers. We've been through more in 16 years than some couples will ever go through, and each instance has made us stronger. For nearly two decades we've chosen to love one another during the easy and the difficult. The effort has paid off tenfold.

With my husband in Providence, RI last month on our
quest to see all 50 state capitol buildings.

Parenting. Man what a roller coaster. Parenting is the single most amazing and challenging and rewarding thing in the world. I can oscillate between snuggling my child and turning around to roll my eyes with impatience. It's so much work to raise a kind, smart, witty, social small human. Some days I desperately need space, and I miss him as soon as I get it. The work of being Will's mom has resulted in the greatest joy. I wouldn't take a shortcut for the world. The work is life fulfilling. 

With my precious boy at the WVU home football opener

My career. When I decided to start my own consulting business nearly four years ago I threw myself into it and immediately built a client roster that was more than I wanted to take on. This summer I dialed it way back to focus on my child and my family. While I'm putting fewer hours into my business the effort is still significant. It's just different than it was last year, and it gives me the freedom to ramp back up during the school year. The work looks different all the time, but it's all worth it. 

Sponsoring an event on Mackinac Island earlier this year

Friendships. I am at a point in my life where I only want to surround myself with people who are willing to put effort into our relationship. Of course the effort is different depending on the type of friendship. I'm part of a great networking group of kick ass women where we do activities every few months or so, and sometimes I have coffee or lunch with different members of the group in between. But the expectation is low pressure, and if you're able to make the gatherings that's lovely. If not, it's no big deal.

I have other friends who are drop in, see each other often, my go to people when things get tough. The effort is different, but I know that they'd drop anything to help me and they know that too. That's because we've done the work to build that trust and foundation. My BFF lives in Texas, and we've lived far from one another for two decades. But when we see each other it seems like no time has gone by. Keeping a long-term, long distance friendship going has been among the best work of my life. I can't imagine my life without her.

With my BFF in Northern Michigan earlier this summer

A few years ago I had a friend who wanted to talk on the phone every day. If you know me you know I HATE talking on the phone. It became such a drag every time my phone rang. I finally had a chat with her and told her we had different expectations of friendship. Nothing bad happened. We're not super close anymore, but I have zero animosity towards her. We simply had different ideas of what kind of effort we wanted. In that instance I didn't see the value in the effort she needed, and that's okay too. Friendships evolve, and sometimes they aren't the people you need or they need. It's work to let them go, but there's a relief gaining that extra energy they took from you.

This version of myself is more introspective than I've ever been. I'm not even close to perfect, but as I tell my son: practice makes progress. Every day I do the work - in my marriage, as a parent, with my friends and family, towards my fitness goals, and building my business. I'm glad there isn't a shortcut because the effort is beautiful.