The "Normal" Years

Here's the thing about chronic illnesses: when they're active, they're all-consuming. When they're dormant, it's easy to forget one is sick at all. In the spring of 2006 my Crohn's was completely in remission for the first time in eight years. I had a new boyfriend, a new job in a new state, and a new life. Things were absolutely wonderful. I was still getting Remicade infusions, and they were working. It was easy to pretend like I didn't even have Crohn's much of the time, save the few hours I spent with an IV every six weeks. I felt, for lack of a better word, normal. 

In April of 2006 a friend asked if I'd join her at a Team in Training presentation. She was a runner considering her first marathon, and I told her I'd join for moral support. I left the presentation having signed up for the team, poised to run the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco that fall. I had never run more than a few miles, but somehow I felt comfortable signing up to run 26.2 of them. 

My boyfriend was out of town that weekend, and when he returned I told him I'd signed up for a marathon. I will never forget his shocked expression when he asked me, "Wait, you run?" That meeting changed my life and launched my love (obsession?) of running. My husband and I were in political jobs, and it was an election year. We traveled all over my new state that summer campaigning. It was something I hadn't really been prepared for, but I loved it.

A stop a the Soo Locks in Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan on a campaign trip

My miles ramped up over the summer, and all of a sudden I went from not running to easily running eight miles. On a group training run one July morning I felt my knee do a weird thing. I finished the run, but there was definitely an issue. I was referred to a sports medicine doctor who told me it was my IT band, something I'd never heard of before running. I began physical therapy, and I decided to switch from the full marathon to the half given that I was losing training time. 

At the lake my first summer in Michigan

In October I ran my first half marathon. A few months later my boyfriend and I got a puppy. In April we bought a house. I'd been sick for nine years, but the last year I'd felt like a healthy person. I felt strong. Running gave me confidence and a fitness purpose, and it was easy to forget I had a chronic illness.

First half marathon: check

New puppy: check

Despite the campaigning the year before our caucus had lost the election, but even as the newest employee I'd kept my job (albeit with a pay cut). In July of 2007 I jumped ship to take a job lobbying at the Detroit Regional Chamber of Commerce. I liked the job, but I detested driving to Detroit multiple times a week. It was not working. I had days where I'd pull into the traffic leaving the city and just start crying. It was a short-lived stint (6 months) but I left to lobby for the Michigan Municipal League in early 2008. It was a place where I'd go on to work for 8½ years, building amazing relationships and solidifying my reputation as a strong advocate for communities. 

Just before the new year in 2008 the rude guy from my office (who had since ceased being a co-worker) proposed, so I had a new job and a wedding to plan. I loved my new job. I got to know people from all over the state and traveled to random places I never would've otherwise visited. We had a great domestic life with our house, our dog and our jobs. 

On December 13, 2008, I walked down the aisle at St. Gerard Church in Lansing and married my husband in front of of our family closest friends. I wore a giant, ostentatious dress that was so heavy I had welts on my collarbone when I took it off. It was a magical day filled with love and joy. I don't recall Crohn's even entering my mind that day. I felt amazing. We went on a wintry honeymoon to Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. I felt great the whole time. 

December 13, 2008: an excellent day

I continued running - half marathons, 5k and 10k races. I got faster, but that wasn't ever really the goal. I simply loved running, and I loved how I felt while I was running: strong, a little crazy, part of a squad of people who love the sport. 

The next few months were busy ones in life - work, marriage, trying to get pregnant. We didn't particularly want to have kids right away, but I was 30, and I had a gut feeling (no pun intended) that it might take a while for me to get pregnant. So we stopped using birth control and told ourselves we weren't really trying.

About six months after our wedding I went to my OB/GYN for a check-up, and she suggested that as a healthy 30-year-old woman who wasn't on birth control six months was enough time that she would prescribe Clomid (an ovulation inducing drug) if I wanted to keep things moving along (she knew my health history and didn't disagree with my concern). 

It wasn't until I began taking Clomid that my Crohn's decided to make a reappearance after several years. My bathroom trips ramped up, and I began taking antibiotics to counter the Crohn's symptoms. Clomid made me a crazy person; like PMS on steroids. At times I had an irrational anger that I have never had before or since. I had a friend who had a baby, and another friend and I went to visit. I was so raw at the visit, and after I dropped my friend off and screamed in the car until my voice was hoarse. I've never done that again, and Clomid made me feel bananas.

Once my husband and I were at the grocery store, and I was immediately furious with him. He hadn't done anything. Everything was fine. As calmly as possible I explained that I was feeling very angry and needed to walk away for a minute. He was baffled as I walked away from him. Clomid turned me into someone I didn't recognize, and it had also ignited by Crohn's symptoms.

Every month on Clomid my doctor would take blood work to determine that I had indeed ovulated (I always did), and then I would have a meltdown every time I wasn't pregnant. After six months we decided to take a break from Clomid for both my mental and physical health. My doctor switched me to a different ovulation inducing drug, Femara, originally a breast cancer drug now approved for fertility uses. The side effects were much better on Femara. 

Life was mostly running, working and trying to have a baby, and in 2010 we decided we'd add another puppy to the mix. Life was busy, but the "normal" years were starting to wane. Clomid had reawakened my Crohn's symptoms, and while I was managing them with antibiotics, I was once again reminded that beneath the miles I was running, the hours I was working and the focus on fertility I was still a person with a chronic illness.