Home for the Holidays

December is my favorite month. I love Christmas, and it's also the month of my precious son's birthday and our wedding anniversary (on the same day). Generally December is absolute chaos. I'm planning our annual holiday soiree, our son's birthday party, attending holiday gatherings for work and with friends and preparing to visit family. My head is usually spinning during this month, and I love every minute of it. 

This December is quiet. We've been working from home and without child care for nine months, and even though the air has turned colder and our Christmas decorations are up, it feels a lot like the last 273 days. I've really struggled to find the joy this month usually brings. 

We decorated before Thanksgiving which is very unusual. Honestly we did it on a day when I desperately needed something to occupy my small human lest I lose my mind. I knew decorating would be very exciting. We put up our two artificial trees and all the decorations, but that didn't help get me in the Christmas spirit. 

Christmasy mantel

Mountaineer tree

Another small tree

Last weekend I went to get our real tree. I picked it out and carefully drove home. The tree that looked large in the lot turned out to be a lot smaller than I expected. But it was beautiful and filled our house with the smell of evergreen. 

There are some people who have beautifully decorated trees, and I've always wanted to be one of those. But our ornaments are a hodgepodge that represent a life built together: milestones reached, trips taken, a happy childhood, memories made. As I unpacked each memory I felt myself falling under the spell of Christmas. 

My mom bought me this ornament in 1996. I love it. 

One of my mom's ornaments from her childhood

My grandmother got me this Precious Moments ornament in 1992

I bought these with my friend Alan when we were buying decorations for the
Mayor's Christmas float when I worked in Norfolk in 2004


This year has been so strange. I didn't unpack a bunch of new ornaments from trips we took all year. But I have two things I didn't have last year: time and perspective. The absence of trips and gatherings has made me realize how much I miss them, but also how much I appreciate all we're able to do. The absence of going to the office every day made me appreciate I've taken a big step to change my professional life and focus more on my family and myself. 

Bought after my first half marathon in 2006

Vacation at the Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs, 2016

Our first Christmas as a married couple, 2008

Vacation at The Greenbrier, 2018

Vacation in Napa for my 40th birthday, 2018

Running the NYC Marathon in 2015

Vacation in Sweden, 2009

Ornament favors from our wedding

Every morning I sit in front of the tree with a cup of coffee and reflect on this year that has been strange and wonderful. While we've missed a lot, I think we've gained a lot more. I look forward to traveling and visiting with family and friends again. But I'm grateful for this time where I've learned about myself, I've watched my son grow and learn, and my husband and I still like one another. 

Baby's first Christmas 2014

This year we're probably going to be here by ourselves for Christmas. I miss our family, but there's something lovely about the unhurried pace of being here with nowhere to go. 

I look forward to buying a lot more ornaments in 2021, but I'll never forget how 2020 made me appreciate these memories. 

The finished product


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Some Reasons Why Diet Culture is Garbage: I Poop a Lot and I'm Always Hungry

Image
It was the spring of 1996, and my mom and I were at the mall shopping for my senior prom dress. I had decided I was only going to eat 500 calories a day over the weekend. It was track season, so I couldn't starve myself on practice and meet days, but in my mind it seemed perfectly logical to basically starve my healthy, 17-year-old body on less physical days. I was in the fitting room trying on dresses, and I heard the sales person say to my mom, "Your daughter is so tiny!" I was light headed and nauseous from not eating, but that overheard compliment made me feel like it was all worth it.  Senior Prom 1996 I've struggled with my body image since I was a pre-teen, and in the 30+ years that have passed it's still something with which I struggle daily. I spent years punishing my body so I wouldn't gain weight: eating very few calories and working out for hours, purging, taking laxatives, only drinking alcohol until I threw up so I wouldn't gain weight. It...
Read more

Here's a Shortcut: Do the Work.

Image
I have a confession to make: I don't think I'm my best self right now. I've been thinking a lot about being my best self overall (including fitness which is a huge thing for me), and I've come to a simple, unalienable truth: there is no shortcut. To be the best version of yourself (whatever that means) you have to do the work. I'm not the same version of myself at 46 as I was at 26. (Man could I give that girl some good advice though.) I spend a lot of time reflecting on who I am and who I want to be. While doing the work all the time seems daunting on its surface, it's not. It doesn't mean life has to be a grind 24/7, but it does mean that there is effort in whatever is important to you (which of course is unique to each of us). Where am I willing to do the work to be the best version of me? Fitness. I love exercise. My husband says I'm "obsessed", and I retort that there are way worse obsessions. While I'm logging way fewer miles than I ...
Read more

Why Do I Talk About my "Stuff"?

Image
A few months ago a friend told me someone we knew was venting that I share too much about myself in my blog and on social media. She said (I'm paraphrasing) something like "We all go through stuff. There's no need to share it." At first I was irritated until I realized this person has zero impact on my life. And it's true: we are all going through things. But since then I've been thinking a lot about why I am so candid about things in my life (in particular my struggle with Crohn's Disease).  I was 19 when I got sick. It was so embarrassing. No college girl wants to tell people they're dealing with bloody diarrhea and nausea and horrible cramps. That's the thing about a chronic illness: it's easy to feel like you don't have anyone to lean on. I had my colon removed 5 weeks before I started law school (the delightful adventure chronicled in this blog ). I began law school having lost 30 pounds in less than a month, with steroids puffing up m...
Read more