Is Lockdown Making us All Jerks?
When I moved to Michigan I was a little taken aback at the Midwest politeness. I recall riding in a car with a former coworker shortly after moving here. A car cut her off, nearly hitting her, and she waved them in. I was outraged: "What a jerk! Nice turn signal! Why are you waving them in?" She replied it was the friendly Midwestern way, and that reply still annoys me.
I'm married to the consummate considerate Midwesterner. I can't tell you the number of times I've gotten annoyed with my husband because he wants me or our son to move out of the way to accommodate someone else (often in the grocery store). I'll say, "They can wait two seconds. Why should I inconvenience myself when someone else can just wait? If it were me I would wait." But I've learned Midwesterners will bend over backward to accommodate someone else at their own inconvenience. I've mostly gotten used to the friendly Midwestern way, although I will absolutely honk and scream at any car that cuts me off or doesn't use its turn signal. C'mon now.
We are now about six weeks into the COVID-19 lockdown. The world is weird, but in many ways this time has also been weirdly wonderful. We've had video calls with friends we hadn't seen in ages. Despite the crazy (im)balance of full-time parenting and full-time job, I love this extra time with my son and husband. It's been lovely to get unexpected texts from people I haven't heard from in a while. In many ways this time has helped me reset and connect with people in a deeper way.
But interestingly I've found the friendly Midwestern way to be a little lacking. I've been running a lot the last few weeks, and when I pass fellow runners on the trail I always say hi and/or wave. For the last month anytime I see a fellow runner I've been completely denied. No reciprocal wave, no smile, no grunted "hi" between breaths. No recognition at all. It's very odd.
In comparison runners are practically affectionate compared to fellow shoppers at the grocery store. I stopped getting my own groceries a few weeks ago, but the last time I was in Kroger (three weeks ago I think?) shoppers were hurrying past one another, not making eye contact or interacting in any way. I smiled and said hello to a gentleman stocking shelves, and he started like I'd slapped him and looked away.
I get it - these are weird times. We're all pretty thrown off, and I won't speak for anyone else, but I'm a little terrified. But if even the friendly Midwesterners can't make eye contact or smile, I think we're really in trouble. Meaningless platitudes and smiles are what we do best here. Isn't a smile or a greeting or eye contact what we really need the most during these times?
When our lockdown order is lifted, life will resume in a new normal, and it's still going to be odd. But I hope when we see our neighbors or perfect strangers on the running trail or at the grocery store we at least smile and say hello. At this point I'll even inconvenience myself to accommodate someone else. The new normal, indeed.
I'm married to the consummate considerate Midwesterner. I can't tell you the number of times I've gotten annoyed with my husband because he wants me or our son to move out of the way to accommodate someone else (often in the grocery store). I'll say, "They can wait two seconds. Why should I inconvenience myself when someone else can just wait? If it were me I would wait." But I've learned Midwesterners will bend over backward to accommodate someone else at their own inconvenience. I've mostly gotten used to the friendly Midwestern way, although I will absolutely honk and scream at any car that cuts me off or doesn't use its turn signal. C'mon now.
We are now about six weeks into the COVID-19 lockdown. The world is weird, but in many ways this time has also been weirdly wonderful. We've had video calls with friends we hadn't seen in ages. Despite the crazy (im)balance of full-time parenting and full-time job, I love this extra time with my son and husband. It's been lovely to get unexpected texts from people I haven't heard from in a while. In many ways this time has helped me reset and connect with people in a deeper way.
But interestingly I've found the friendly Midwestern way to be a little lacking. I've been running a lot the last few weeks, and when I pass fellow runners on the trail I always say hi and/or wave. For the last month anytime I see a fellow runner I've been completely denied. No reciprocal wave, no smile, no grunted "hi" between breaths. No recognition at all. It's very odd.
In comparison runners are practically affectionate compared to fellow shoppers at the grocery store. I stopped getting my own groceries a few weeks ago, but the last time I was in Kroger (three weeks ago I think?) shoppers were hurrying past one another, not making eye contact or interacting in any way. I smiled and said hello to a gentleman stocking shelves, and he started like I'd slapped him and looked away.
I get it - these are weird times. We're all pretty thrown off, and I won't speak for anyone else, but I'm a little terrified. But if even the friendly Midwesterners can't make eye contact or smile, I think we're really in trouble. Meaningless platitudes and smiles are what we do best here. Isn't a smile or a greeting or eye contact what we really need the most during these times?
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| I am actually smiling here! |
I think it's the very Midwestern guilt about breaking the rules. (I am supposed to be at home and instead I am at the store thus breaking a rule AND inconveniencing that kind shelf stocker and therefore I feel immensely guilty and will not look you in the eye.) At least that's what I am telling myself. Because I've seen it too. I hope it's temporary.
ReplyDeleteI hope so too but I'll text you a selfie with a smile if you need it!
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