I Run These Towns

It's been a tough few years for me as a runner: Crohn's problems, knee surgery, a busy job. After 22 half marathons, four marathons, and dozens of 5ks and 10ks in 13 years, I've slowed down significantly in the last two years. At first I thought it was just a motivational crisis, but as I try desperately to get back to at least half marathon shape, I find myself struggling seemingly beyond simply motivation.  The last few months I've been wondering: what happens if I stop running? What if I stop trying to get back to half marathon shape? What if I stop stressing about the fact that I'm not in shape to run more than a 5k? What if I just don't want to run more than 3.1 miles? Isn't that okay? I miss race day. I miss lining up with thousands of people and the buzz of a starting line. But I can get that with a decent 5k, and my body will be happier with me. In the last few months I've been boxing and cross training. I'm not as skinny as I was when I ...

I realize it's a gross generalization, but many women I knew tend to lose themselves in external things - children, jobs, marriage, the sheer volume of things to accomplish. I've always had a strong sense of self. Even in having a child (despite the struggle to get here) I didn't lose myself. I went on my first work trip when my son was two months old. I ran a half marathon when he was four months old and a marathon before his first birthday. In those first few years I struck a balance between being me and being mommy that made me pretty happy. In 2016 I left a job I'd held for a while and hit the reset button, and in that process I felt an even stronger sense of self. I decided I wouldn't do things that didn't make me happy. I wouldn't settle for anything in life - work, friendships, experiences - that were toxic. It was happy or nothing.   As I entered the last year of my 30s I felt like I really had it figured out. I was still a top priority, and that ...

I often have blog ideas rolling around in my head. Sometimes I write part or all of a piece and save it as a draft to be published at a yet to be determined time in the future or not at all. Sometimes I just need to get my snark out in writing before tucking it away, never to be seen again. I've been so busy this last year, and I have a blog that I've started and stopped repeatedly about the business of busyness. I couldn't wrap my head around exactly what I wanted to say, but I'm struggling with what to say when people ask how life/work/etc is. My canned response is "busy" because it's true, and it's the first thing that pops into my head. But I don't want to live a life where my constant first thought is how busy I am. This week's schedule is brutal. I have meetings layered on top of meetings. I have crises layered upon crises. I left City Hall last night after 9 p.m., and when my alarm went off at 4:45 for the gym I was feeling...well, b...

For me the key to psychologically dealing with chronic illness is to always know it could be worse. Even on my absolute sickest days I am grateful that I can handle this. I know there are people who are suffering in ways I can't imagine. I would rather be sick from Crohn's every minute of every day than have my son be sick even for a moment. I can deal with my sickness. I can handle whatever is thrown at me.  The adage goes something like, "Be kind. Everyone you know is fighting their own battle." I know that to be true, and my battle is different than anyone else's. I also almost always choose to believe mine is easier and more manageable. One of the things I've discovered is that people often try to empathize with me, and I'd say they do it poorly about 90 percent of the time. I appreciate that people want to relate, but please think about what you're saying. I had someone recently get over the flu and say to me, "Now I know what you go thro...

For the last four months I've been part of the staff cohort of the Bloomberg Harvard City Leadership Initiative (I blogged about it while in NYC in August). It's a challenging and fun program, but my favorite part is meeting so many other senior leaders who get what I'm doing and can truly empathize. It turns out I'm not alone. As part of the Bloomberg program there is a leadership assessment that comprised of direct reports, peers, my boss and me filling out a leadership assessment about me. Then I had a 90 minute video chat with my leadership coach. My coach has an MBA from Harvard and a Doctor of Psychoanalysis (which I didn't know was a thing) from the Boston Graduate School of Psychoanalysis. She's pretty legit.   On the day of my video call with my coach I was not in the mood for it. It was scheduled for 90 minutes on a Friday of a week that had been crushing both physically and mentally. I was grappling with a professional challenge that I continued ...

This day is my favorite day of all the days. This is the day where I've lived my best life. This is a day when I've laughed, I've cried, and every year I am filled with joy as I reflect on the love in my life. Ten years ago today I married my husband, and four years ago today our son was born.  From our son's newborn photos.  This dress weighed 15 pounds, and I regret nothing.  I'm at a bit of a loss for words as I try to describe how much I love this day. On my son's first birthday I asked how to measure a year of love. Three years have flown by since I wrote that blog as we celebrate 10 and 4. Here's what I know about marriage and parenting: the highs and lows are equally amazing and daunting. The great days are amazing and the hard days feel impossible. But each and every day my husband and son make me happy. Does that mean I'm happy all day every day? Nope. But I feel joy each and every day. Meeting our son for the first time.  ...

It's been a rough few years for me as a runner. I've blogged over and over again about how this is it; this is when I'm getting my running mojo back! And then I've found myself running once a week again...if I'm lucky. Back in October I blogged that I was putting a beginner half marathon training schedule on my calendar, and it's helped. I've been running 2-3 days a week at 5 am, and it's not easy. But there are no shortcuts. I know I have to do the work.  Four years ago, after spending a month in the hospital and losing 20 pounds, I wondered if there was a magic formula . I know there isn't. I know that I simply need to do the work (although I'd be lying if I said I hadn't wished for a teeny  Crohn's flare to shed a few pounds...which is totally messed up.) Since the beginning of November I've been prioritizing exercise. I feel stronger. Happier. Healthier. Am I running the number of miles I thought I would? Not exactly. I was ho...